Well, our relationship just reached a new low this evening although I'm sure it won't be the last.
I was trying to backup an old ipod that I found so I could still have all my old songs but wipe the slate clean and have a newly organized one with new songs on it. I found free software that would take my old songs and store them on my computer so I could erase it. My partner who touts himself as being a "computer genius" though on many occasions that has proved to not be the case just could not stay out of what I was doing and claimed he had a faster way of doing it. Being a "computer expert" he feels he has to handle all these activities himself (and usually against my better judgment) so instead of just letting me do what I was doing, he took my ipod went in the other room and told me he was "making a copy of the drive".
In MY general understanding a copy does not automatically erase the original.
So this is what ended up happening: He erased the contents of the ipod BY "copying the drive" BUT not having made clear to me that he HAD erased it (our usual communication issues rearing its ugly head) and seeing that the copy he made was not accessible off the ipod, I told him to delete THE COPY, which he did without SAYING ANYTHING.
I feel like anybody else would have at least cautioned, "you know the original is erased so if I delete this, it's all gone" and I did repeat over and over that I wanted the old songs...so WHY DIDN'T HE SAY ANYTHING?! He just deleted it. But that's not the worst! After realizing what happened, he starting shouting at me that I was stupid and can't understand simple things before I even said a word to him about it. I was shocked to say the least. But on top of that when he saw how upset I was (mostly from his calling me stupid and not because of the ipod) he brought up something I couldn't believe he would.
When I was younger my dad used to call me "retarded" all the time even to family friends as a kind of joke but it always hurt my feelings. In the past I've brought this up to my partner when talking about my dad and how it and some other behaviors led to me having self esteem problems and he of course empathized with me at the time. Well, during the ipod debacle he shouted at me "you know, you ARE retarded just like your dad said". I couldn't believe my ears. Why would he say something like that to me?! How could he "go there" so to speak??
On some level I get that he's actually just embarrassed that this happened with the ipod and feels it's his fault. But why not just say, "oh sh*t, I'm so sorry" "I think we had a breakdown in communication there". ??? The fault IS both of ours. He didn't communicate NECESSARY information to me and I simply ASSUMED that if there was any potential of losing any of the data that he would have you know, mentioned, that to me. But to bring up something so painful from my past in such a silly situation as this?! I just can't wrap my head around it and/or how to move and get past it. Is he going to start bringing up all my painful insecurities and past issues every time he feels bad about something?? How do I stop this new development in its tracks before it takes hold as a habit?