Hi everyone! I'm new to all this do bare with me. My husband and I got married when I was 6 months pregnant. I know he loves me but even still any woman would have some small thoughts in the back of my head that if I hadn't of gotten pregnant then we would have never gotten married. Even though my husband is the nicest, most kind hearted, caring man that I've ever met and he does his best to assure me that he would have never married me if he had any doubt. I have always been very quick tempered, disorganized, constantly procrastinating, forgetful, and over all just scatter brained. He works full time and I am a stay t home mom. I love my life and my one year old but adding a baby into the chaos that I already my life has just made my ADD that much worse. There isn't a day that goes by that my husband sends me text messages of lists of things that I need to do bc he knows how forgetful I am and yet still I don't remember to do half of it. He has never complained or griped about any of my craziness; he has just accepted me for who I am. It seems like in the last few months I hear him saying that I go from 0 - 10 in a split second with my anger...and that there is no in between. I am trying to work on it but sometimes it is just impossible to hold back. He is patient with me and caring but I know that it frustrates him. Also, he works all day, manages to get all of his responsibilities taken care of, remind me of mine, sometimes even do mine, come home an help around the house and with the baby...yet I can't even get dinner on the table before 9pm or manage to do the laundry. It's not fair to him at all and I feel so guilty and lazy, ad undeserving. I almost feel like I wouldn't be surprised if he's thinking "this isn't what I signed up for!". Especially since I was recently diagnosed with ADD.. Mental illness is extremely prevalent in my family so it is no surprise that I have had ADD all my life. I have not gotten on any medication yet. I am still back and forth about that... It is so scary and so over whelming to think that I might have to be on a scheduled/stimulant for the rest of my life if I want any chance of living a productive life. Also, I am terrified that I would get addicted to the meds. I have never gotten addicted to anything in my life but I did self medicate a few years back with hydrocodone. It was never an addiction for me though, I only took the recommended dose, never more than I should...but I was extremely depressed at the time and finding it hard to even walk out of my front door. So when I took the medicine it was easier for me to deal with ring around people, work, and school. I didn't use it for the euphoria effect, I just used it bc it made it easier for mme to get things done without feel anxious and over whelmed. When my mom found out I stopped, easily...I wasn't even taking enough to have any kind of withdrawals, just a pill every now and then to make it through the day. But I'm terrified to take something else that is a scheduled drug bc I never want to experience that again. Even though when I took the pills I felt better, once those 4-6 hrs were up I was even worse then before. My husband has made goofy little side comments about the mental illness in our family like "why didn't u tell me that before I knocked u up?". I know that he is joking and doesn't mean it but I still feel like if he says it there is a part of him that means it. Even if he doesn't know it. I guess what I'm getting at is how can I communicate to my husband that I feel like he deserves better and am terrified that after the "newly wed" phase is gone he will grow to resent me, and get more and more frustrated with my illness? And eventually we will end up in divorce?? Also, does anyone think that medication is the best option for me? Even though I'm scared I am almost willing to do whatever it takes to become a normal human being. My husband has made it clear that he is concerned about the meds changing my personality and possibly making my anger issues worse... Honestly, if I do get worse I don't know how long he is willing to put up with me. It's not fair to him for me to have these doubts but I just can't help it. I would do anything to change them but I can't... Any advice is greatly appreciated... I feel like a sinking ship right now.