New self diagnosed adhd a marriage issues

I am currently reading Melissa Orlov's book and it is scary how everything matches my marital life.  I am finally understanding what my wife has been going through and it hurts me.  I don't realize what my actions are doing to her.  The book  is like a slap in the face.  I have tried to share this with my wife and tell her that she has not been dealing with me the right way.  The blaming and parent child relationship.  She did not deal with this well and still argues that I need to change.  I do, but I feel she is making it more difficult with her responses.  I really do love her, but we are in the death spiral and I don't know what to do to get out of it.  I will be talking to my therapist for medication.  My main question to anyone reading this is, how do you get your skeptical wife to believe in you and help you.