Forum topic: New to site and just learning

Sat Jun 7th, 2008 - 1:57pm by jfd

Forum: 
Negotiation and Setting Boundaries
Hello all... I am new to this site, after having stumbled upon it. It is pretty neat. I have just been diagnosed with ADHD 3 months ago. I am in my 30's and never have been daignosed with it before. People are puzzled as to this fact. It has always been a running joke that i have it. Apparetnly I do. It got to the point that it has affected my marriage, have been married for 8 years and didn't think it was a problem. I guess it was all just accumukating and came to a point and it became untolerable. So now I am trying to work on it. I wish i had found out before so as to not get it to where it is now. I read driven to distraction and found it to be all very accurate, if only i had found it before. I was just wondering if there was anyone that may have some suggestions or can identify with my symptoms/problems or maybe make some suggestions. I am seeing a person to deal with my ADHD as well as take med. I guess i am just over focused on certain things and can't finsih a project on the other. I have been over focused on my wife to the point were now it is a burdern, i guess. We are still married and working it out to make it better, but not go back to how it was. I am looking for a balance, which is what i am trying to figure out. It seems to be helping, the med and the counciler. I am able to focus my energy better and complete more task and have been more effecient... I think... THis is my first time on a forum like this so i hope i didn't post too much and did not post in the wrong place.. Any suggestions would be helpful... Thank you.....

Comments

Submitted by AKA_Dawg on Mon Jun 9th, 2008 - 11:23pm

Hey there! I too am very new to the site, and I know EXACTLY how you feel.I’m also 32 years old been married for 8 years the last two years I’ve been trying to work things out with my wife but it’s not looking good. I read both Driven to Distraction and Delivered from Distraction 5 days ago and it just blew me away. My wife has had a lot of hardship this year, which had nothing to do with me, except maybe I wasn’t emotionally there for her. She has a lot of resentment from our past. I feel I’ve made a lot of progress since I quit drinking 2 ½ years ago. The same day I started taking adderall. I have a good friend who has ADHD and he kept on me for 5 years. He still pushes me to re-ignite old dreams. I thank him every time I talk to him.( I gave him the Delivered book today) I have received nothing but positive reinforcement from everyone; family, friends, work. Even my wife for a while. And my life is better. My wife was ready to give up 2 years ago. Lately I’ve been able to complete tasks but she now is the promise breaker. We haven’t been able to get back to where we were.(or beyond) She read the Distraction books a few months back and hasn’t really allowed me to work with her on anything since. It was a blow to her too I’m sure, being that she is a controlling, well organized, 5th grade school teacher. I allowed the control for so long because just like the book said, that’s what I was told I needed and because of my own guilt about missed opportunities and money spent in court. She is so sad and such a miserable person right now, I would do anything to save my marriage but she won’t let me. In fact it’s pretty clear she doesn’t want that at all. I’m pretty frustrated that she stood by me all those bad years, and now with sustained documented progress and finally an explanation, and good guidelines to continue, she says she doesn’t want me. I’ve been reading these blogs for 24 hours and I think the fact that you’re here is a healthy step. I just wanted to post because it sounds like we might have a few of the same war stories. Keeping your mind occupied with something I think helps a lot. I game online, rehab houses, and hopefully will soon get a dirt bike again, which has always been a very powerful therapy for me. I haven’t found a doctor I trust yet, that’s good if you like yours. I’m not ready to just pour out my soul in a open forum but if you want to e-mail me aka_dawg@comcast.net I’m pretty open, I’m looking for idea’s here too! Lot’s of good stuff in the distraction books. Take it for what it is…. An opportunity Find the right job (do what your good at) Find the right spouse Good luck man -Dawg