Just a quick background, my husband and I have been together for 3 years, married for 5 months. He was diagnosed with ADHD as a teen and he’s aware he has it. I’ve never educated myself on the disorder and since have dismissed it because I figure we all have our issues. We used to get along very well. In the beginning of our relationship it was my commitment issues and me taking things personally that put a strain on us, he was always more nurturing and patient than me, which is part of the reason why I love him.
Now, I know I’m not the most intelligent person; I’m too sarcastic, controlling and judgmental. But I believe I have a good heart and it’s full of sympathy and compassion for all beings. I’m not a touchy-feely person, but I like holding hands and being loved. At this point I don’t feel like myself anymore. I don’t want to upset him when I am myself, and that seems to be the case.
I love my husband, but I cannot seem to make him happy. He tells me I’m not funny, even though I used to make him laugh. His friends could make the same jokes I do with him and he tells me I’m a mean person, but he’ll laugh with them. He tells me I like to argue, I never take responsibility, I don’t speak to him like an adult, I’m crazy, a lunatic, I have OCD, etc. etc. etc. He says I’m cold to him, when the truth is all I want is to feel intimate with him again. We only have sex every two months and it’s because I initiate it, only in the afternoons because otherwise he’s too tired. He plays video games for 10-12 hours on his day off. We never go out. Maybe I do unconsciously act cold because I’m getting resentful for never being loved or thanked. Granted, he’s got a ton of pressure on his shoulders from work and does not get paid accordingly. He works an average of 80 hours a week which for any couple would be a strain on a relationship. We just married less than 6 months ago and we have never been so disconnected. I feel like he hates me and I’m just waiting for the day he cheats and then blames it on me. He gets mad at me for the littlest things I say or do, and then insists that I’m a bitch and just want to argue with him or I don’t even want him around. He makes me feel so guilty. I feel like I am going crazy sometimes. Every time we fight and I finally say, “Ok, it’s my fault,” he gets even more mad! He’ll go on and on for 20 minutes in detail about how wrong I am and then when it’s my turn to talk he tells me I’m cutting him off, I just don’t get it or I’m crazy; a bitch. And holy s**t, if I cry? If I cry, he looks like his head will explode with anger!!! I read that some men take tears as a manipulative ploy, so I try not to cry.
I admit to feeling resentment because I do all of the housework and laundry. I don’t think he’s taken out the garbage for over a year. He did one load of his own laundry for the first time ever and bragged to me about it. I don’t want to be his mother; I want to be his wife! His partner and friend! Is that too much to ask? He’s made me believe that this is my entire fault and if I only treated him nicer that we would be absolutely fine. I’m so frustrated and I know he is too. This morning he told me he’s reached his breaking point with his job and me. He said he feels nothing and doesn’t want to come home to me tonight. I haven’t heard from him all day and we usually speak at least once a day.
After finding this website, I’ve realized that everything you ladies are going through, I am going through as well. It’s very “textbook,” from what I've read so far. I hope that this is the beginning of us mending the relationship, I’m so sad it’s broken. I can’t believe it’s gone this far. I don’t know what to do. I don’t want to make him mad. I just want things to be the way they were. Oh, and of course, I feel like this is all my fault.