New to the site & a spouse on ADHD meds, Questions & venting here:

Hello everyone, I've just discovered this site and think y'all may be the only ones who will understand where I'm coming from...I hope!

My hubby was diagnosed with ADHD (& OCD), about 2 and half years ago and given a high dosage of ADHD meds, after a 15 minute Dr visit where he basically diagnosed himself... At first, maybe 6 months, things between us got much better! But it ended quickly and he's a completely different man than the one I married. He's easily irritated, gets angry easier, much much less approachable- by me or our 2 daughters. He's been struggling with stress at work because apparently everyone he works with is an a-hole, moron, or rude/mean...says he's targeted by co-workers for no reason. (One common denominator though! This is the third different title& location within the plant...) All he does is work on his truck. If there's nothing major to fix, (he's very handy, mechanical), he'll wax it, buff it, adjust his sound system, etc.

Our girls are growing up fast, 10 years old already!, & twins:) But they have been seeking their Dad's attention desperately for a couple years now, since the meds, and he doesn't give them his attention, approval or time! THIS breaks my heart. I'm a stay at home Mom & our girls are hyper-sensitive and have anxiety issues- they will not leave my side...extreme separation anxiety as well. They want to play with him, ask him to watch them ride their bikes, etc., but he ALWAYS has an excuse. Usually something to do with his truck, or he'll say "in a few minutes babies", but that time NEVER comes and they're left disappointed. This bothers me most! How can a man, who was a great, fun dad to begin with, just ignore his dds and tell them basically he doesn't have the time for them??! They're learning to accept this is just how he is... (which is an a** imo!). And I hate seeing them upset or disappointed by him.

He talks constantly. No one else can get a word in, & I dare not try or his lips tighten his fists clench, (though he's not now & never had been physically abusive.), and he lectures me for 30 minutes about how I'm interrupting him... Its called a conversation! I swear I'm not exaggerating how much he talks & talks without letting anyone else contribute. His Mom was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer last year. I'm sure this is affecting him, though he's not very close with her. He tells people about her & how he helps her out, etc. But he doesn't! I've taken her to so many appts., many many of them. He was to take her one time, but spent 2 hours primping that he was late & she had driven herself to chemo!! He tells people how his family & his daughters are his whole world. He'll tell his mom he can't come over on the weekend, she only lives 7 minutes away, because he'll say it's his only time to spend time with his babies... But he doesn't spend time with them at all! 

He only wants to do what HE wants to do, very selfish like that. I do appreciate that he supports us financially so I can stay home & homeschool my girls, and I tell him frequently.

They wanted to watch cartoons with him in our big bed like we used to, years ago, but he said the room was too cluttered and he can't stand it. So, I cleaned it up. He's yet to watch cartoons with them. The ONE time he did, he fell asleep in 30 seconds...

Ok, I've gone on top long already. Sorry. I just don't know what to do about him anymore. I'm so tired of walking around on eggshells around him, trying not to anger him. I've even gone against who I am just to not have an argument. I agree with him sometimes when I don't mean it, just to avoid the conflict! I'm sad, almost all the time. If it weren't for my girls, I don't know where I'd be or what I would've done by now... I'm at a crossroads...I want to leave, if only for a month to shake him! But he says I better not take his kids from him! Of course I would NEVER do that, but they would most certainly choose me over staying with him. I don't know...

He's on the phone now with his Dad, no relationship there either, this is the first time they've talked in a year... But he's going on and on about how our girls are his whole world, they're everything to him. Which sounds very sweet & I know he loves them, but it's like it's more important that people think he's father Of the year than trying to actually be an awesome Dad! Aaaahhhh! 

Sorry for the rant, thanks to anyone who made it through this novel of mine:) This is just the tip of the iceberg unfortunately... Good day to all:)