Only your thoughts can endanger your happiness. Telling yourself a miserable mental story about your circumstances creates suffering. Telling yourself a more positive and grateful story, studies show, increases happiness.
I am the somewhat obsessive spouse of ADD husband. I am trying very hard to grow out of the venting, complaining, unhappy person I have become. Here is what I am trying to learn and how I am trying to change my thoughts:
My positive, grateful story: I have been blessed with capabilities and talents and health. I don't know if I would have ever dared to have a family if not for dh. Our marriage and family happened to us as a surprise. What blessing to have had children! I would not have known the happiness and belonging (and drama) that I get to experience daily with my children and grandchildren. What a beautiful home I have lived in for so long! Our family is healthy and intelligent and okay. I have been able to financially and emotionally keep things together. I have been incredibly strong and tenacious all these years. Even though no one else knows or appreciates all I have done and given, I know and God knows. I can be proud of what I have done and assume that I can be strong in the future. I made decisions based on what I believed at the time to be good for family and love. My emotions and psych are faltering while I grieve some losses, but people and resources are showing up. I am accepting that there is loss and challenges in life. That's life. And there is a tearing apart, a pruning, for new growth if a person dares to live and risk and feel. I know that I have no power in myself to change dh. I am putting my faith in God, letting go of my need to be in control and starting a quest to find where my heart can be free to explore and experience the sunshine of life.