New to website.

Hi I'm new here. My non-adhd husband and I have been together for 9 yrs (married 7). I am the one with adhd. I want help. I'm frusterated and clueless how to "do life". I want very badly to be a better mom, wife, friend. I want to change. I just don't know how. I know that I'm not perfect...far from, yet I have a hard time seeing things from others points of views in the moment. An example would be...I forget things constantly, but when my husband forgets to put in his mouth guard that helps his snoring issues I go ballistic because it happens every night. Why do I go crazy and get out of control when I'm angry and why does it seem validated in the moment??? Especially when he always has soooo much patience for me when I forget things. Another thing that I hate about myself is that I use him too much for things I should be doing myself. I almost use him to cope with adhd I guess. I need new coping strategies because I don't ever want him to start to be resentful of me. He says he isn't but I don't know how that is possible. I'm selfish by accident. It feels so real and important when I need something but I don't notice his needs. I don't need him to remind me of this to figure it out. He rarely complains about anything. He is just perfect...but I feel I take advantage of this. I don't do it on purpose though. An example of this is when I remember something I will text him "hey pick me up gum, hey I have to pay blah blah bill, hey I need to make dr appointment". Then if he forgets I get angry. I am basically 100% the person who had the ideas but he is expected to follow them. It's like having a personal assistant. But that is NOT okay. It has helped my adhd because it's like having two brains. My first brain has no working memory and anxiety and doesn't want to "do" what it needs to. But I tell the other brain (husband) to do it so that it gets done and isn't forgotten. Somehow this has worked in our relationship for 9yrs. It has been the norm. I plan and he does. I make some appointments or tell them they need to be made and he does it. The weird thing is that this isn't the "norm" adhd marriage that I see on this site. Here, we have a wife with adhd who is also the "parent", while we have the non adhd person being the "child". However, my husband shouldn't be seen as just an extension of myself. He should be seen as his own person and I need to be responsible for my own self. I just don't know how. I've tried writing down things but I still cannot prioritize and "do" them. Does anyone have this type of dynamic in their relationships???