I realized this past week after spending Christmas apart from my boyfriend of 2 1/2 years that there are certain things I'm just not going to be able to do the same way anymore. They weren't getting me anywhere anyhow. I realized first and foremost that because I was so tired of being upset all the time I'd started rationalizing all the upsetting things he was doing just so I wouldn't feel the need to get upset, example: He often arbitrarily takes my car places instead of his without asking, leaving me with no transportation because I can't drive his car (stick shift) among myriad other inconsiderate and self-centered things. I would tell myself things like, well he pays the rent (I was laid off from my job) so it's ok if he takes my car (!). I have a million of these rationalizations that I deploy so that I don't have to feel upset all the time. What this really is, is an act of attrition that doesn't solve anything and simply enables him to infringe on my personal rights simply because I am so tired of being upset. I have decided instead to take the following action in future:
I will not rationalize, I will be a rock. I know what's right and what isn't. Instead of letting anger and frustration rule, I will be unshakable simply with the knowledge of what's right and wrong. Getting upset only ends up hurting me. I will maintain composure with a jaded forbearance and detached self-assured stubbornness . I will not doubt myself. I will calmly and rationally explain to him without being indignant or flustered what is hurtful or wrong with his actions and I will be unmoved when he goes off the deep end or justifies his actions using his slippery rationale. When this occurs or if I begin to lose composure or doubt myself, I will stop interaction. I will go do something else, unshaken in my knowledge of right and wrong. I will not become flustered or indignant in his presence for there is no need to be indignant if you are fundamentally right. When he behaves like a child, I will let him throw his tantrum while I disengage and go do my own thing. I will not actively ignore him or put energy into it for that is not true disengagement, I will simply focus on something else because I know what's right and what's wrong. When explaining how I feel, I will not seek or expect immediate understanding or empathy but will appreciate if and when it occurs. I will simply unwaveringly continue to address the issue in the above manner until it can be resolved.
Just because he does "A" (for now it's his paying the rent) does not negate my basic human rights. Everyone is entitled to respect, personal space, and the respect of their personal property.
This is my new manifesto for the new year!