Newbie needing support and advice

my DH (fiancé) and I have been together for five years.  All was fine and has been up until two months ago when we got him in to the psychiatrist to get his Prozac regulated (for OCD) he has been on a HIGH dose for like 20+years and needs to decrease it.. So she tells him that she feels he has ADHD and OCPD.  His behaviors before were okay, I mean he's a successful physician, raised three kids alone, has his stuff together, lived alone for 20 years..  

Our backstory, we met on a dating sight and it was love at first sight. We have been inseparable, he's the one I want to grow old with and spend the ret of my life with. His job forced him to relocate two years ago, so we got engaged and my kids and I moved in with him.

He starts Vyvanse 30 mg I think in May 2014 and by like 5-7 he's fading, tired needs sleep.  Cranky.  We are arguing all the time. I start getting weird headaches in June and go to the neurologist ... Have a headache for a month and they out me on Topamax! Now I'm crying all the time this med is along me crazy, I have no desire to do anything so I weaned myself off and told my dr what was going on. Without topamax I started having clarity again. But the problem was I was not myself and he wasn't himself so I can't even gauge the first month he started taking meds because we were both off. But now I wondered if my headache might be my body's way to dealing with how mean his behavior was and I was so stressed out? The dr tells him some people need a booster in the afternoon to get you through the rest of the day, so she puts him on a low dose 10 or 20 mg Adderall. This seems to help but he's happy at work and an ahole after work. Which isn't fair to me that he's at his best at work and turns into Dr Hyde when he gets home!   The littlest things set him off, he rants and raves like a madman and says mean things. But then tells me it's not him it's his brain works different now, he can't stop himself from saying these things. Mostly via text and if I answer it provokes another mean response. He says to just ignore him and don't answer. Feels terrible afterwards. If he actually says something mean, I'm supposed to brush it off and ignore him and not take it personally! But how?


The dr puts him on Adderall XR 30mg during the day and the Adderall 30 mg I believe in the afternoon but it STILL changes his behavior.  I constantly walk on egg shells, afraid to piss him off. He says I treat him different and don't love him anymore. Then breaks down and doesn't want to be alone and is afraid I'm going to leave him.  I love him and I know he's still in there but I think these amphetamines are making him crazy and I can't rationalize with him.  He says he knows it's him. If I say something he hears it different and if he says something to me, it usually comes out wrong and hurts my feelings and makes me cry.  He has very IMPULSIVE behavior sometimes too, like we are on a motorcycle vacation and he got it in his head that we could make it somewhere in five minutes before a store closed. We'll needless to say, he made a wrong choice on some wet grass, luckily, and he laid the bike down in the grass and we both fell off! Luckily not hurt but it scared the S$&@$$&&t out of me. And when I asked him what the hell that was the angry Dr Hyde came out and was just spewing mean things again that I'm supposed to just brush off.

I haven't changed but I do shut down and get quiet when he says mean things because I'm trying to Avoid a confrontation. He knows we need therapy or counseling and is willing but reluctant to change his meds because he likes the way the amphetamines make him feel but wants us back 

I'm trying to educate myself on ADHD and how to help him and if I tell him something I learned he may think it's dumb and won't even try it or "just because it's on the internet doesnt mean its a true fact"  or makes me feel dumb for bringing it up. Or we have a disagreement because he hears it one way and I said it another. No feel like it's depressing me, I cry a lot because my feelings get hurt easily, I feel like I need something for depression or something for anxiety to be able to deal with him. 

Right now I'm dealing with this. 

I can't give him my opinion on anything, because to him it's unsolicited advice 
I can't talk about his amphetamine because he is touchy about it, even though as soon as he started taking the amphetamines his behavior changed and moods changed
I shut down when he is mean and it hurts my feelings but he says I'm supposed to just ignore it and brush it off
I treat him different he says
If I do say something that he doesnt agree with, I'm picking on him
I'm supposed to change ALL my patterns and behaviors when the obvious and simple answer is he need either more meds or a different med because HE changed starting these amphetamines

We have a very hard time communicating right now because he hears things totally different than what I say and things he says to me don't come out right. We've only had sex like three times in a month now. He gets so engrossed in projects that he forgets what time it is, we've even tried,setting times like in 30 minutes you need to come in here and let's get a shower and something always comes up that takes him longer. Or he can stay in the garage for two hours and get lost. Or stay in his office listening to music .. The same music for hours.


thanks for listening :-) and any help you can offer is GREATLY appreciated.