Newly DX with innatentive ADD, can impulsivity cause an early divorce?

 

Hi,

  I have written on here a while ago discussing my spouses hyperactive ADD, his DX and treatment trying various meds.  Well, interestingly enough, through learning about ADD and getting help myself his nurse also notices some symptoms in me, but the innatentive kind.  My brother was diagnosed with severe innatentive ADD.  She said that I was very high functioning so most would just notice my complaints of depression not the ADD.  Anyways, I had been having such a hard time with my spouse with his severe ADD, not sleeping, not being able to walk in the house because it was SO messy, etc.  his anger flair ups. 

  In my life in almost all relationships, I always felt an inner uneasiness that almost pushed me to "get out" of them, to end them.  I did the same in the marriage.  When times got beyond unbearable I just divorced him, quickly.  Anyways, now that we are divorced.  I still dont feel divorced.  I still feel that I love him and he does as well.  I finally have been diagnosted with innatentive ADD and have started tx with adderall a small dosage.  To my suprise I feel like a totally different person, I can get so many things done..and my depression has lifted.  To the point I only need 1/4 of the depression medication that I was on! But after all this, I realize I may have impulsivly got divorced.  It makes me feel sad, I still love my husband and he loves me.  We plan on starting over again, and maybe even getting married again someday.  My question is this, has anyone else heard of this?  I mean does ADD make one impulsive enough in relationships to end them, and even get divorced or married fast?!  

Sounds a bit familiar, and

Sounds a bit familiar, and I'm SO happy not to be alone in this. My DP T's diagnosed me with inattentative ADHD and an anxiety disorder over a year ago. Started the meds, and after a few tries, found Concerta/Ritalin to be quite helpful. Kind of wrote it off about 6-7 months ago, though, and stopped taking the meds. Everyone I talked to says "I didn't think you had ADHD", and I suspect it's from my DP's ADHD overshadowing mine. ;)  Back to now, I'm a bit out of sorts and talking with my docs about the actuality of ADHD. My own T thinks it might be "t" (little T) trauma/abandoment. My GP agrees with T & encourages the meds as a short-term solution with monitoring. I'm also noticing that I'm MUCH more active, focused, and realistic when on them. I'd also consider myself "high functioning" in terms of at least giving them impression that I'm holding it together. ;) 

My 5-year relationship was brewing to a blow up for about a year, so I can't really say things were "impulsive" at either end, no.  The manner in which it happened though was in no way indicative of who we are as people. In no way was it kind. 

Now, 6 months separated, my DP and I are having conversations about how neither one of us wants to do the paperwork/get "divorced" (civil union on the east coast), move stuff out of the house, saying we're sorry, we still care for the other person, and we're hopeful for the future for the reasons that brought us together. WTF? LOL  Where was THIS clarity 6-12 months ago, hu? ;)  (You'll notice my post over on the "Progress/Hope" side of things here about my recent "ah ha" with him.)

It's been reported that ADHD relationships burn bright and fast, so I'm not surprised to year you ask about quick marriage and divorce. (Have you read Melissa's book?) My own experience was that things seem to have moved pretty quickly, but I'm not an expert on "slow" in these matters. 

I do agree that a counselor (especially one who knows ADHD!) would be the best addition to your current circumstances. I know I've been pleased with mine, and my DP is tickled with his. Hopefully we'll get one of these two to help us shore up the relationship. There are too many "unknowns" to work through on our own, and a bit too much hurt lingering from the past to fully trust that the other person isn't BSing. ;)

Congrats, though, and welcome to the fray! ;) 

Thanks everyone.  I'm glad to

Thanks everyone.  I'm glad to hear I am not alone in this ADD stuff.  Well I feel a bit down today.  Not only do I feel sad that I actually divorced my husband before I was treated for innatentive ADD, I just feel down because I went to my psych nurse who has been helping to treat me.  Anyways, shes not happy with the side affects of the Adderal for me such as irratibility, loss of sleep, and not eating much.  She said sometimes when u treat ADD other things show up and she thinks I "may" have a small cyclical type depression, she said not the big swings like bi-polar but the smaller ones.  Anyways, she said she would try me on Ritalin a small dosage and see if that works better for me.  I only need a very smalll dosage like with my adderal 2.5mg or I get very irritable on 5mg and she didnt like that.  Anyways, I hope the Ritalin helps because I like the positive effects the Adderal had on my life.  I finally felt confident, was able to stand up for myself better, able to accomplish much more than normal.  My husband or recent shall I say had ADHD and who knows maybe something else.  All I know is I feel sad. I just want a simple answer..I really feel the ADD is really what has been missing my whole life as far as being treated.  It would explain SOooo much, such as my jumping in and out of relationships feeling like I "need to leave"!  Also, my mild depression seemed to leave more with ADD tx.  Ive had 2 divorces in my life.. I mean I dunno I just feel like..bad.  Thank God I have faith, He helps me.  

My husband has untreated adhd

My husband has untreated adhd, csa issues and severe depression.  He thinks his only escape is divorce.... He can't hide or pretend from me, so his gut tells him to get out... His gut is in run away mode.

 

I wonder if he will get treatment like you and then have regret and sorrow that he didn't get help inside our marriage.