I am a newlywed and My husband has adult ADHD, at least that's what we think since he was diagnosed as a child-- reading the book ADHD and it's effects on marriage, almost every page of that book has almost mirrored my own life. Let's just say I get a lot of anxiety reading this book. My husband has not been diagnosed with it as an adult because he has never gone to see a doctor and talk to them about it. And now that we have health insurance finally, he still is doing what he wants to do, at his own pace--meaning getting care for himself.
While reading the book, ADHD and it's effects on marriage, I stumbled upon the actual website and was thrilled to find there would be a seminar for couples who are facing issues with ADHD every day. I then presented it to my husband in what I believed to be a non-threatning way. AND then the ADHD kicked in. He had little to say about it except that he was very overwhelmed by it all and he had some anxiety about it. I saw that as a good thing because then maybe if I went on the journey with him he wouldn't be so overwhelmed. WRONG! When I asked him what the anxiety was from he basically said nothing--I told him if there's too much anxiety about it all then we won't do it, but then again I feel like that is "giving in" to his antics once again. Maybe he's just not ready to have anyone be a part of it. In retrospect, maybe this was a little bit too much for him--he was diagnosed as a child but hasn't been to the doctor since to see about it in his adult years. I asked him to think it over and also if he would commit to once a week of doing the recorded version. He said he would try it, but if he's going to just "try it" then it will basically be wasted time, energy and money..he then said he would think about it. We really have not discussed the topic in depth, and last night when I presented the idea of doing this seminar he was very uncomfortable about it. Seems to me that he feels ashamed knowing the reality that he struggles with it.It is interesting to me because when he was in college he made use of the office for students with disabilities and was okay with it, he would take exams in a controlled setting and was able to take as long as he needed. The way I see it is that it's now or never to address it with compassion, instead of "just not talking about it" since it's already been 6 years and the topic has never really been talked about between the two of us.
I get the feeling he doesn't want me to be involved in the first scary and anxiety ridden step of facing the fact that the diagnosis may in fact be true. I also feel that he may also never accept it because he was raised the very same way and had basically NO resources and his father was in denial about the whole thing also not taking the recommendations of what the doctor prescribed.
so what is a non-ADHD spouse to do? Frankly I feel like dropping the whole subject and leaving it to the Divine, but at the same time I am fascinated by the urge to do this seminar....maybe I'll do the seminar on my own!