Newly (self-)diagnosed, GF doesn't get it.

Hi everyone,

Been lurking for a few months now, finally decided to speak up. 25 year old male, newly (self) diagnosed ADD with some help from the GF. Unfortunately, thats where her helpfulness and support seemed to stop. We have been together for 4 years, and have seen our share of hardships together. After getting an idea of what is happening, everything really hit the fan. I'm angry, she is angry, and there is no end in sight.

I have been working very hard to accept how my forgetfulness is interpreted, attempting to reinforce it with positives. This means NOTHING. I doubt I can take any more criticism. I really care for her, but she doesn't seem to understand a bit of it. That being said, I do understand that ADD is not an excuse to be liberally applied to every mistake.

Is it even fair to try to save this? After doing a lot of reading, I am beginning to feel like the single life is best for us both. Advice? (aside from dr. and meds... both are in the works)

Can you elaborate?

When you say their is mutual anger what is the anger based on? You say "after getting an idea of what is happening, everything really hit the fan." what was realized and how was it realized. What kind of help and support are you looking for her to provide?

I definitely understand how criticism can be hard to deal with but in the absence of more details its hard to know what kind of advice to provide.

Mutual anger centered around

Mutual anger centered around my forgetfulness and lack of observation. I feel like I am doing everything I am able, though I feel like the result is the equivalent of plugging holes in a dam. I plug one (focus on one item to correct) and create two more I now have to plug. I am working hard to remember the daily tasks I need to acomplish, but she doesnt see that I am. She thinks that I do not care enough to make the change happen. Enter the criticism...

I came to the realization that I have many ADD symptoms when my gf pointed me to some websites. I think she noticed that something wasn't right, and hasn't been for some time. I read through quite a few sites, and it definitely struck a chord. I felt like people were telling my life story at times.

Since we both discovered this, she thinks I am using this self diagnosis as a crutch. I have been careful not to do this. I try to approach the same problem with a new approach (that also doesn't work), and she sees that I don't want to change/don't care. I end up feeling like I am going to rip my hair out, and that she dosn't understand! All I want from her is for her to understand how I think.

I understand she is likely angry for other reasons, and this will not fix everything. I just want to find a mutual understanding between my expectations and hers, as a starting point.
MagicSandwich's picture

Clarification needed

You are working very hard to accept how your forgetfulness is interpreted? What does that mean exactly? 

Ask her what she thinks she

Ask her what she thinks she needs from you for your relationship to work in the future, and find a way of trying to realistically meet her needs. You ADD'ers are great at thinking outside the box and coming up with solutions other people can't see!

Then you need to tell her what you need from her. This will help you to focus on the 'what happens next' and move you from the present into the future.

Sounds simple but it can be a challenge.