My husband has ADHD, and is a medical professional...and I have PTSD. I love this man with my whole heart, and am sure he feels the same. However, it became impossible to live together...so we are separated. It's been two months...I'm 600 miles away. What complicated things even further, is I have serious medical issues (two strokes within a year, brain lesions...and on and on). I spent almost 30 years going back an forth overseas across four continents. If there was war, famine, genocide, disease...this is where I could be found. During this time, I sustained many injuries at the hand of those seeking to perpetrate these atrocities against their own citizens. This also included being gang-raped. Thank God, HE has taken the sting of this event away, yet, the memory is acutely intact. This I'm grateful for, as it's been a tool for other women to be set free of the same torment that once held me captive.
The idea to separate was mutual, as was the place I am now. I'm with friends of 35 years. Prior to the idea to separate we agreed to seek out a marriage counselor that dealt with these particular issues. However, hubby became very angry at the therapist. He stood up, pointed his finger at him and said "You are going to listen to me!" The therapist asked him three times to...sit down. He refused. Then said, I'm paying for these sessions and you're going to listen to me! I was in tears...and walked out. Hubby left too, slamming the door behind him. I KNOW my hubby...he is not some monster. He's a good man and he loves me and I him.
He recognizes the issues needing to be dealt with. It appears that he's afraid to believe that there could be real and lasting change for him...and I know there can be. PLEASE...any positive ideas, constructive help is more than welcome. We both desire to live together again, but know it can't be right now. He is handling the separation better than I am. We are in communication. One exciting thing is, it's like falling in love all over again due to all the conversations without the screaming and tantrums. This is one thing I had no clue would happen. Given that, I see the separation was most needed.
One thing I almost forgot to add...he forgot is phone was open three times. I heard him talking about me in the most negative terms (I can't even bring myself to repeat what he said) to those at one of the medical meeting at the hospital where he works. He was blaming me for every negative thing in his life. This is not true. When I confronted him about what I heard. He did his usual thing...You just took it the wrong way. However, I heard what I heard and in the context it was said. It was said with venom and sarcasm. However, he really knows this is not true. I felt as if I'd been kicked, since he wouldn't even admit this was so wrong to say. It seems as if he can play the blame game, he has no responsibility. Is this a usual thing that happens???
I'm (and he, too, I'm sure) really hurting....any advice?