I have been married for 3 months to the most wonderful man I have ever met. However, he has changed drastically since the wedding. In just 3 months, I have gone from being the best thing ever to feeling like he doesn't love me like he use to before the marriage. My husband is 53 and extremely ADHD. I am a teacher and I know what ADHD is in middle school children but I'm not sure how to handle it in a marriage. I tell him he acts bored with me -- because it feels that way. How can I avoid this abandonment feeling? He says I get on his nerves asking him for reassurance repeatedly. But he's changed so much, I've gotten paranoid. Help!
Very old teenager
Submitted by ShelleyNW on
I'm very sorry that you are going through this. Does your husband realize there's a problem? Is he in treatment? This is a common problem, it's all great until we aren't new and shiny anymore. How can we compete with You Tube? I recommend reading all the relationship with ADHD books; Orlov, Pera, Tedeschi (?), they each add value and have nuances the others don't. Realize that the relationship will never be the fairy tale option but it can be good. Try to schedule fun things to do together, what did you originally connect over? There will be an imbalance of effort in the relationship, but if you can be good with that, then it might be ok. The trick is to really be able to let go, and internalize that the symptomatic behavior is not a reflection of you. You are still awesome. How ADHD people become blind to awesome is just the wiring, but does not mean you have less real worth.