So imagine God says to you...here's this man. And he's wonderful, enthusiastic, bright, charming...he'll find new ways to make you laugh every day. And no matter what life throws at you, no matter what you go through, you will love him more every day, and it will never stop. And it isn't until after you say YES sign me up, and you fall too deeply in love to turn back that God says, "but wait, there's more." For the rest of your life, you will live for this man. All of your hopes and dreams, your goals and plans...all that now takes a backseat to just keeping him together. It will never be about you, you will never be more important, and he will never be able to do for you what you do for him. Yes, you will rejoice in his accomplishments and successes...after all, behind every good man is a better woman. And without you carrying him, he never would have achieved these things. But I hope that's enough for you, because you won't have the time or energy to spare to go out and get any of those successes for yourself.
He'll love you so much that he'll try. There will be small gradual improvements, and for a long time the effort alone will be enough for you. It will convince you that eventually he'll get it and learn what you need, or that he'll see how much you do for him, or how much you've given up for him. You'll think he's ready to be the partner you've been longing for and that he can at least share some of the burden. So together you'll sit and talk, and you'll discuss your goals and what needs to be done, and you'll take all that and load it into the back of a wagon. And then you'll each strap yourself to that wagon and you'll pull together. And at first the wagon moves forward so quickly that you believe your troubles are finally over, and your hard work was not in vain. Then the wagon will slow down, and you'll wonder if you're running out of energy. But when you turn to see how he's doing, not only has he stopped pulling...he's pulling in the opposite direction cause there was a shiny bike a few miles back. This will happen over and over again, and your hopes never weaken. After a while, you begin to wonder if you still do it cause there really is hope, or if you've just tricked yourself into believing there is because you can't stand the thought that you've sacrificed so much for a lost cause.
You know it's not his fault. He's trying. He's doing the best he can. He just doesn't know any better. He tries to do nice things for you and to be the man you need, but you may as well expect a monkey to write poetry. You feel so alone. Not just in carrying the load of the responsibilities, but emotionally. He doesn't know you. He doesn't understand you. You could write out an instruction manual on what you need, and he still wouldn't get it. But you're so strong that you can live without it. You can carry yourself. You can find a way to make this work.
But should you have to? Is that really what you want? To MAKE it work? There has to be something better out there. Somewhere out there is someone who will give you back the person you gave up so long ago. Someone who can be a REAL partner. Someone who can carry you when YOU'RE weak. But are you brave enough to go find them? Or even harder...can you stand to look this man who you love so much in the eye and tell him that no matter how hard he's trying, you just don't want to wait anymore? Aren't all relationships supposed to go through good times and bad? Maybe these are just the bad times. Maybe you're about to quit when the light is just around the next bend. You've never been a quitter. Are you really gonna start now? After all, you love him. And he'll fall apart without you. All of your hard work getting him where he is will be undone if you leave. He'll go back to the sad, helpless, lost person he was when you met. Can you stand to destroy him just so you can go find what you need? Cause seeing him fall will ruin you too. So it's shut up and take it, and then only you suffer...or destroy him and both of you suffer. And now you're trapped. And you realize there's nothing you can do.