This is my first time writing in. I am very anxious to hear back from others that may be fighting the same battle. What I have found more lately than ever before is that my husband had NO common sense. It was probably this way all along, but perhaps it didn;t bother me as much as it does now.What I am talking about it making the logical decision about anything. Sure it is mostly on the fly when he is in a hurry,but even when he has time to think about it he always makes it more difficult than it needs to be. It's the long way or the complicated way. I am very efficient and organized and I think logical so this clashes with me big time.
My second thought is do they ever bottom out when theydecide they have had enough and want to get help? I have had it with trying over and over and not getting anywhere. I have done all I can do with literally no results. In fact, it is worse than ever. I try all the time and tell him that we need to have a balanced life, meaning he needs to quit working 3-4 hours late every night and come home so we can be together some time too..He jsut doesn;t get it. He chooses the job over me every time. He comes homw when I am going to bed. The only good part is it saves a fight.
Don't know what to do any more....
My H did "bottom out"....
Submitted by overwhelmedwife on
This seems to be a common problem. I noticed this with H and his family. They would do things in the most illogical way. They would often choose whatever is easiest, even if it cost ten times more. They would often do things in a way that would take ten times LONGER, because they couldn't figure out the most efficient approach.
Often, they do bottom out. For that reason, we're not suppose to "raise their bottom" (which means, we're not supposed to rescue them so that they eventually learn from the pain and impact of their ways).
That was hard for me because I had a tendency to rescue H. I stopped doing that and let him feel the full impact of his decisions.
You say that your H works late every night. Does his job really demand that? Is he actually working SMART during that time? Or is he likely working inefficiently so everything takes him a lot longer? What kind of work does he do?
My father in law was this way, but his reasons for staying late was so that he could do what he wanted during that time, rather than be home where there was "kid noise" and other things that bothered him. At work, he was in his own little paradise.
You might try creating an environment that is too irresistible. Depending on what your H likes, do those things without him, but let him know about them. I know that my H would rush back home if he knew that I was spending my evenings doing something that he would really like to do as well. I don't know your H obviously, so I can't suggest what those things might be. If your H was hearing that you're socializing with friends you have in common, and he's missing out, that may motivate him to come home..