I'm a planner. I used to thrive in having dreams and making them happen. It was exciting, meaningful, energising. It felt like living.
My partner has ADHD and is not a planner. I am beginning to accept how this impacts on our daily lives but I'm finding it really difficult to accept the total absence of future dreams, goals or plans. He has almost no thoughts on what he wants to do, or what he'd like to achieve for us as a family or what might make him happy for the future.
I find this incredibly depressing. I feel very stuck. I can't move on or do anything (move house, create a life properly, set goals and achieve them) if I don't know what he wants. I fantasize about the things I would do if it were only me and my son, because I am good at making things happen. But I'm married and my plans can't be solely mine. He often isn't on board but offers no alternative, so if any decisions are made, I feel they are made alone and I am responsible for their success or failure. I feel very trapped, lonely, uninspired.
Strangely for a person with ADHD, he is very risk averse (v interested to hear if anyone else feels this). So he seems terrified at committing to any sort of dream. Even if I'm just asking him to 'dream' not commit, he does everything he can to avoid it. It's impossible. I think the ADHD can have a huge impact on imagination (which incidentally I believe can negatively impact motivation, empathy and sex in a marriage).
My question... How can we approach this lack of future/shared goals?I feel like I'm not living at the moment and this is going to make us regress even further. I'm desperate to stop myself withdrawing even further from hopelessness and a feeling that I must sacrifice another need of mine.