I'm very new to this site but I've been reading a lot of your posts & feeling both relieved & overwhelmed at all our common experiences. For some background, I am 32 years old & have been married for 6 years to my husband who has ADHD. He is currently going to counseling & should be getting on some medication here in the next couple of weeks. I am still reading through The ADHD Effect on Marriage & trying to work on my end of things.
For the last 5 years we've been having sex less than 12 times a year give or take a few. I know some classify this as a "sexless marriage". Sexual consistency is a huge issue for us & is honestly one of the issues I'm struggling with the hardest. We are affectionate pretty much daily holding hands, hugs, & kissing sometimes. So we are able to connect physically in some ways. I've asked if he's using porn to meet his sexual needs & he says he's not & I believe him. I don't believe he is having an affair.
When it comes to sex though it just doesn't seem to be on the top of his list or maybe anywhere on his list? To be fair I am not great at initiating sex. When we do have sex he does seem really happy about it. It's almost like he's on a "high" for a few days after that. At that point I usually think things are going to get better & we're going to start gaining some momentum but then another month goes by maybe two and it's nothing. It hurts me so much that this is "our pattern". It's affecting my self esteem quite a little bit. It's so hard not to feel like it's personal or feeling like "maybe I'm not good enough" or maybe he is just not turned on by me. He says he wants me and wants to improve our sex life, but his actions tend to say the opposite. I'm getting to the point where I almost don't want to have sex anymore because I'm tired of having my hopes crushed & being let down. I want to avoid sex to avoid being hurt if that makes sense. I don't even know where to start on trying to rebuild our sex life. Or perhaps it's just too late?
Would appreciate any advice from either side of the ADHD coin.