No job again

After two years of joblessness, my husband finally found something, so I quit one of my two jobs and had the opportunity to turn the other into my own business.  Then he lost his job again six months ago.  I've been hesitant to fully commit to the business because I kind of feel like I should quit and get a full-time job since I can't rely on my husband.

My old part-time job just asked for me to come back, which triggered our bi-weekly "come to Jesus" fight where I tell him he's not looking hard enough for a job, and he applies for some the next day, and then forgets again until the next fight.

He thinks I shouldn't take the old job because it is low-paying and makes me stressed out and miserable. And then, as usual, he responds to my concerns about how much money we have by asking about when more money will come in for my business. As usual, I explain that I'm just starting out and that it can't be relied on as our only source of income, and that he needs a job.

Well, he's picked up a few shifts at the bar down the street.  So sometimes he brings in $100 in a week.  Sometimes it's $500.  It's not enough.  We are honestly living on miracles right now - tax returns, random mortgage refunds. 

I'm struggling to work on this business.  In addition to my own self-doubt, I'm starting to crack under the pressure of it being our only source of income for a 4-person household.  I'm constantly beating myself up for not working hard enough and I'm freezing under the pressure.  I'm spending hours a day staring at my computer screen, while he putzes around the house, sometimes just hovering over my shoulder looking at his phone.  I've been trying not to blame him for my issues, but the fact is, I need a reliable source of income to feel secure.  I'm probably subconsciously screwing this opportunity up on purpose so that I can be forced to get a more secure full-time job that will make me miserable.

So in our fight today, I tell him that I need him to get a full-time job, so that I can feel more secure.  He says he's bringing in money and asks how much I'm going to bring in.  I say "The problem is, we can't count on this as income, I can't handle this as our only income right now. You need a job."  He sets his jaw and refuses to speak.  (He says he's "processing" and that he can't think of what to say right away when he does this.  But he never comes back to it and if I bring it up, he's annoyed that I haven't gotten over whatever it was yet.)

I go back to try to work.  He comes down and says "you haven't eaten today, have you?" and makes me a sandwich.  I get the idea he thinks that I am just angry because I'm hungry. I give him more time to process.

Later, I check in to see if I have gotten through to him.  I say I'm worried he thinks I'm just being crazy.  He says "I wouldn't say crazy," which, yadda, yadda, yadda, starts the fight up again.  I explain again that the job he has isn't steady enough and he needs a full-time job and that he's not looking hard enough.  He says "Other than getting a job, what else can I do to help you?"  I say "GET A JOB. THAT IS ALL I WANT FROM YOU."  More fighting.  We calm down and have to pick up the kids.  We agree not to fight.  I say "think of it this way, imagine if you are struggling to bring in the groceries and I'm sitting on the couch with my feet up.  How would you feel if you asked for help and I suggested you get one of those hooks that allow you to carry multiple bags?  I need you to get a job, I do not want advice on how to run my business."  He says "I get it," waits a beat, then says "You really need to get some business cards."


I light-heartedly say "I'm going to give you the chance right now to admit you are being a big old jerk and then we can laugh this off." 

He says "what?"

I say "This whole fight has been about how I need you to get a full-time job and stop relying on my business as our only source of income, and how when I say I'm stressed out over money, I need you to get a job and not give me advice.  Then you gave me advice."

He dug in!  He refused to agree with me on anything.  I am almost positive he thinks that he's counting on me to support the family with this business.  I've said from the beginning that It probably wouldn't even bring in $30,000 a year, IF I was successful. 

I have to tell them tomorrow if I will take job #2.  Now I'm hesitant to take it because it would mean working a few nights a week and I can't kick him out on that schedule.  We have two small kids, and my business would be on my schedule and perfect for that, if only he had another job.  My business is a weird niche field, my dream job, and this is my only opportunity to do it. 

I just don't know what to do.  The sensible thing would be for me to just get a full-time job.  I can't count on him.  It just sucks.