No more sex

I read a previous thread about sex in ADHD relationships but that seemed to focus on excessive porn use.  My ADHD husband and I have not had sex in the last year and I can count on one hand how many times in the last 3 years.  I don't think that he has any unhealthy interest in porn - I guess I would know if he did.  We pretty much live separately in the same house.  While saying that he loves me and does not want to separate, he is doing nothing to suggest that he wants me around.  I am financially dependent upon him - we have 3 kids, two with ADD and I homeschool one of them.  What questions can I ask of the forum or of him to work out what is going on and what to do about it?  I've started reading Melissa's book for starters.


Our relationship took the apparently common ADHD path of a quick courtship followed by a swift commitment.  Something changed the day we got married and our honeymoon was bloody awful.  We plodded along with a once a week sexual pattern until my first pregnancy three years later, where he seemed afraid to have sex and nothing happened until after our baby was 6 months old, another miserable experience.  It's been hit and miss ever since, and I'm struggling to work out how we managed to have 2 more kids.  All our significant sexual experiences have been dreadful ones - there has been no sense of its significance to me from him.  First time for us was the first time for me and his insensitivity shocked me.  Likewise our honeymoon and post birth.  What could be going on and can we fix it?  How?  Help please, I feel stuck here in a miserable marriage and I don't feel it needs to be so.  We don't argue - barely converse these days, he is a good father, is not abusive and has a good work ethic and sense of responsibility to our family.  We simply do not have what I would call a real marriage and I am really lonely, un satisfied and sad.