No more shutting up

This is probably not ADD but it does have something to do with how to respond rather than react to (or stuff) our own feelings of being upset with someone or with a situation that bothers us.

I do not have the talent to be quick on the draw with sparring words.  I am often mute when someone "slams" me.  I don't take it personally as much as I don't find that kind of banter/ego-fighting discourse fun or even comfortable.....especially when it comes amidst a group from the person who is my spouse. So this happened:  My son was saying that he bought a wood burning stove...which triggered my husband to go on and on about the benefits of having a wood burning stove living in the north in the woods as we all do.  I said, "H, I have been asking you to buy a wood stove for 2 years!".  To which H responds loudly and sarcastically, "I AM NOT DRESSED for a SERMON tonight!" To which I was gob-smacked to silence - as usual - it is so stupid and disconnected.   So, for over 40 years, this type of him shutting me up with things like "Heil Hitler, Who was you n...r last year?, Aye Aye Captin'. Whatever you say your majesty, Yeesssss, maaaaaam" and more. (and these responses are not from me nagging in any form and I know I have a VERY soft voice) this shutting me up has had an effect on us all. These have been his responses for me for trying to discuss ANYTHING!  I have been mute for 40 YEARS when he says these things...sometimes in front of the kids.

I walked out of the room for a bit to think about my own feelings and of this long-time "shut-up-ness" pattern.  I said to my son, "Let me talk to you outside".  Then I told my son that I was upset with his father because for over 40 years H "shut me up" with these sarcastic sayings and that this has become normal for us all to hear him jokingly shut me up and to see me shutting up like that.  And that I was not going to shut up about it anymore. I have feelings and this upsets me.  I don't want to fight with his father but that I also don't want my sons or my granddaughters's to view sarcastic words toward people in the family shutting them up as funny and appropriate when a family should care and love. I don't care if I seem like a wet blanket who can't go with the flo or "take a joke". Sarcastic barbs bother me.  That is what I said to my son.  For 40 years I have been ignoring this and my sons have been witness and we seemingly have all been OK/normal with it.

Then after everyone left, I said to my H that this is how it is going to be from now on. I will let him know when I am offended by his sarcasm. I will let anyone who is in the room know I am upset by his sarcasm. I will not good humourly defend myself with playful banter.  If the granddaughters had been in the room when he "shut me up" with sarcasm, I would have had to address it on the spot out loud so that they don't learn that this is Normal/OK.  

And I will.