NO ONE LISTENING

It is so lonely to be the non ADD spouse because anything you share about your life never seems to be remembered. I don't even know how this can be a relationship. Although there is a lot of compassion for what I am going through at the moment, I feel once that moment is gone , it is also gone from him.  I  just feel like I don't want to share anymore if it disappears from his mind so soon.  We are human beings that have a past,present and dreams of the future and I just don't understand that an ADD person only lives in the moment. Well, I do understand that this is just the way it is but I can't imagine anything more lonely than two people who love each other but only one of them remembers most of that life together.  IF THERE IS ANYONE OUT THERE WHO FEELS THE SAME WAY, PLEASE HELP ME.

I feel your pain

I read quotes all the time.  They really help me capture how I am feeling and also inspire me.  There are two quotes I think of pertaining to this. The first one is "The heart of marriage is memories." - Bill Cosby  I think a lot of people feel this way but when you are in a marriage with someone who can only see what is happening right now, it makes it very hard to reminisce.  Recalling past experiences with my husband is always a one sided conversation with me doing all the remembering.  It does feel lonely because I know he was there, but he doesn't remember. I'm left feeling like, "How could you not remember such a pivotal experience in our marriage?"  It seems absurd.

This brings me to the second quote said by Maya Angelou, "People will forget what you said.  People will forget what you did.  People will never forget how you made them feel."  My husband can't remember what was said or done.  He can't remember dates or specifics about the birth of our children or our wedding day, but he can remember how he felt on those days.  If you ask him about our marriage he won't answer with details, but he can tell you how I make him feel. 

Instead of just talking about the past or hopes for the future, it's benefited me to look at photo albums with my husband (regarding the past) and go on websites that allow us to plan things like vacations or home ownership (the future).  He can't think about things abstractly.  It has to be something concrete.  Photos are concrete evidence of experiences we've shared. 

Also, don't expect immediate feedback.  I'm the type of person who likes to have a conversation that is a back and forth exchange of ideas.  I can't get that from my husband.  However, he will think about what I said and give me feedback and a later time.  The process is slower than I would like, but at least I know he heard what I said.