I was working day and night to pay 95% of the bills. I'd come home and nothing was done. Kids were not fed, homework not done, house not cleaned and forget anything extra like bills being done.
My job was insanely physical. I would get nose bleeds from the physical exertion and now have many repetitive motion injuries. I tried too hard, pushed it too far and now I am burned out. So much so that I could lay in bed all day and just wait to die. I am sure depression is involved, but I don't feel particularly depressed. I just have zero motivation.
Due to injuries, I can't sustain the physical job I used to do and my burnout is making it hard to accomplish anything. Being faced with the knowledge that my wife will never be able to be very helpful or reliable pust so much pressure on me. If Christmas cards aren't sent, it's my fault, if the house is a mess, it's my fault. Her entire family and friends never place any blame or responsibility on her. I do most of the cooking, cleaning and just about everything else but no matter how much I do I can't compensate for the black hole she creates.
How do I get myself back in the game and have the energy to try again?
Are there any other non-ADHD spouses who have found ways to get everything done and not burn out? How do you do it and how do you cope?
Burnout
Submitted by Michele3214 on
About 3 weeks ago my spouse was officially diagnosed with ADD. We have been together for 9 years, married for the last 3. My advice to you is to first and foremost evaluate where you are at emotionally, physically, spiritually and financially. Journaling is helpful. What are you doing in terms of self-care? How do you begin putting yourself first? How do you get off the crazy rollercoaster? What will it take for you to feel grounded? I've come up with my own care plan that includes daily exercise, regular journaling, and what I call "elevating my life" - which means identifying areas of personal freedom and expansion (volunteering, working towards licensure, etc). You need to find your inner strength and reclaim who you are as a person. Its like the adage about putting your oxygen mask on first. Identify things you enjoy doing that make you feel better instantly and take the time to do them! For me it's sewing, crafts, reading, biking, long leisurely walks. You will only "get back in the game" when you start taking care of yourself and setting boundaries. Who cares whether the house is not clean, the world won't end. Hope the posting is helpful.