Non ADHD dealing with undiagnosed partner

my partner and i have been together 2 years and though he is undiagnosed, he's open to considering that he has adhd and thinks it likely.  the thing is he's not doing anything about it! moving forward is nearly impossible right now - he seems frozen and unable to deal with it.  in the mean time i'm exhausted from trying to get through day to day... carrying the responsibility of everything and falling into the parent/child roles... i'm at my wits end and don't know what to do.  i don't even feel like i love him anymore i'm so disillusioned with the behaviors and hurt and angry.  i'm desperate - i can't even run my own business (i'm self employed) because i have no energy left to work...

he was a heavy beer drinker when i met him but has cut back considerably. he self medicates using pot.  he has physical sensitivity issues which makes sex unsatisfying.  he is very self centered and generally manages to shift blame to anyone but himself for issues.  he's defensive, sarcastic, self depreciating, and lacks confidence at some times, full of bravado at others.

he's also energetic, a joker, active outdoorsman, eats healthy, works hard and tells me he loves me...  but he doesn't demonstrate through action and thoughtfulness that is in fact the case.  i see so much possibility in the life we could have together but at the moment it's not really based in reality.

i don't know what to do. i've connected with a counselor, and am trying to heal myself from the hurt this is causing.  i can't make him see a counselor - he's called for a referral but thinks the office is just going to call him back.  right now i'm just so angry! we're only 2 years in and i had such great hopes and am now feeling like i'm staring down the possibility of life of hardship and let down. 

any positive comments about people who've got through or are working on things would be greatly appreciated as would coping strategies?