Non ADHD dealing with undiagnosed partner

my partner and i have been together 2 years and though he is undiagnosed, he's open to considering that he has adhd and thinks it likely.  the thing is he's not doing anything about it! moving forward is nearly impossible right now - he seems frozen and unable to deal with it.  in the mean time i'm exhausted from trying to get through day to day... carrying the responsibility of everything and falling into the parent/child roles... i'm at my wits end and don't know what to do.  i don't even feel like i love him anymore i'm so disillusioned with the behaviors and hurt and angry.  i'm desperate - i can't even run my own business (i'm self employed) because i have no energy left to work...

he was a heavy beer drinker when i met him but has cut back considerably. he self medicates using pot.  he has physical sensitivity issues which makes sex unsatisfying.  he is very self centered and generally manages to shift blame to anyone but himself for issues.  he's defensive, sarcastic, self depreciating, and lacks confidence at some times, full of bravado at others.

he's also energetic, a joker, active outdoorsman, eats healthy, works hard and tells me he loves me...  but he doesn't demonstrate through action and thoughtfulness that is in fact the case.  i see so much possibility in the life we could have together but at the moment it's not really based in reality.

i don't know what to do. i've connected with a counselor, and am trying to heal myself from the hurt this is causing.  i can't make him see a counselor - he's called for a referral but thinks the office is just going to call him back.  right now i'm just so angry! we're only 2 years in and i had such great hopes and am now feeling like i'm staring down the possibility of life of hardship and let down. 

any positive comments about people who've got through or are working on things would be greatly appreciated as would coping strategies? 

boyfriend was diagnosed as a kid with ADHD but is still indenia

I dont know if im in the right place this is my first time doing this. my boyfriend was diagnosed with ADHD as a kid he stoped takeing his med when a teenager and has always said he didnt really have it. i love him so much we have been together for 8 yrs and have a 3yrold daughter. He has held down 2 jobs for atleast 7 yrs. He talks non stop always says i was thinking this or that whats your thoughts hunny. talks about one thing then jumps to another i dont have time to keep up or answer my thoughts either im very slow at thinking thought or he is to fast? he tells me all the times i dont communicate that i dont talk about my thoughts. i do talk to him i just dont have thoughts 24/7 like he does and he gets very mad at me i fill like he is nagging me all the time and he wants me to be perfect but i cant be perfect and it makes us argue we have the same textbook argument atleast every 2 weeks. it drains me i think oh no here we go. ive heard it so much i dont wanna listen sometimes. i think that he is still ADHD but i dont know for sure and if you ask him the drs were wrong he never had it. its very hard cause he wont listen to reason and threatens to leave alot. i want to work it out and be with him but it is very hard. He has a car hobbie were he likes buying cars or trucks and wants to restore them but he will get started on one lose interest and go buy anoher. he has one that is getting redone but that is cause its at a body shop. i dont want to fully change him i just dont want to argue all the time over the same thing. so my question is. is he still adhd? how can i fix this problem since he will deny it if he is. i really wanna work it out but cant live argueing all the time and raising our daughter. she even has to call his name several times if he is tuned into the computer or t.v. its very frustrating i fill like he cant hear her sometimes. but of course i dont ever say anything to him i just take it as it all comes and knows it will happen every 2 weeks at least. please help me if anyone can. thank you have a good day!