Non-ADHD husband needing help

Hello.  First time here.  I have been married for 11 years but the last four have been really rocky.  I was deployed from 2008-2009. When I returned I felt more lonely and isolated.  Wife would constantly spending less time with me and more time with friends.  I told her I wanted to go to Vegas for years and when I returned she went with her friends. She constantly says I am angry and she is tired of me complaining about her lateness, money, intimacy , and not cleaning.  We were in. Counseling which didn't work.   She had never told me or the counselor about the ADHD until the counselor gave up.  All these years I was clueless.  Now she is on meds but I feel constantly ignored and left out.   She is always hanging out and i am sure her friends dont know or understand about her adhd. How do I get her to see she is hurting me?