Submitted by Grrr on 11/20/2014.
My boyfriend of five years is an alcoholic too. When he was drunk he cheated on me twice with in 2 and a half years. He is apalled when he sobers up and realizes what he has done and says he loves me and only wants me. Do ADHD people learn from their consequences? Do they always end up in denial that they even have ADHD even thought the dr has prescribed Ritalin to them? He also has MAJOR mood swings and is an animal until he eats. He then apologizes for being such a jerk and becomes my sweet man that i always have loved. I love this man dearly and I don't want to lose him but the mood swings, where he calls me names, slams doors, is just terrible and alcohol cravings are driving me insane!
You boy friends life style hasn't anything to do w/ADHD
Submitted by c ur self on
Well when he brings home a TSD and gives it to you, that you will have to live with all your life, maybe you want have to ask...
What are you looking for in a man? Stable, Loving, Faithful...One who will be a good example for his children?
How about sober, clean and dependable?
Grrr
Submitted by sunlight on
The mood swings and impulsive behavior are suggestive of something other than, or in addition to, the ADHD. Ritalin doesn't work well for everyone with ADHD (my husband cannot tolerate it, for instance, but is fine on Adderall). However, stimulants don't address mood swings or impulsive outbursts and it is not unusual that other medications are also prescribed.
If his Ritalin is prescribed by a family doctor who is not an ADHD specialist, look instead for a psychiatrist who specialises in adult ADHD (NOT just childhood ADHD) and who will give him a full evaluation. If he has other disorders or health issues then he may not be well-served by a general doctor.
"Do ADHD people learn from their consequences?"
Can do, yes. Consistency of management of the ADHD is a necessary start,
"Do they always end up in denial that they even have ADHD even thought the dr has prescribed Ritalin to them?"
No. They may feel hopeless, but ADHD can be managed, it isn't the equivalent of a death sentence or the end of hope.
"He also has MAJOR mood swings and is an animal until he eats. He then apologizes for being such a jerk and becomes my sweet man that i always have loved."
This suggests other health problems. The alcohol cravings could also be sugar cravings - this along with the need to eat is suggestive of a possible health issue or neurological problem. And if he has also has addictive tendencies then Ritalin won't address them. Get him to a psychiatrist and ensure that the psychiatrist is made aware of all these behaviors and not just the ADHD - that's what I think you could do and should do if you want to help him. But if he doesn't want to (from fear or any other reason) then you can't make him. If he does love you then he needs to recognize that you can't be expected to tolerate this behavior and that he needs to be strong enough to reach out for help.
Run don't walk away from this man
Submitted by dvance on
Run don't walk away from this man. My ADHD husband has not cheated on me physically but there have been three women in the past two years that he has had a inappropriate connection with. It won't stop. They don't learn. They are like monkeys after a shiny object--whatever is fun and feels good and catches their eye at any given moment--that is what they run towards. In 20 years I cannot even tell you how much money has been wasted and how many hours have gone down the drain chasing whatever it is he is interested in at that moment--over the years it's been golf, woodworking, art, carving, weight lifting, women--pick a thing. It never lasts. No plan is ever completed, nothing is ever followed through on. This is NOT the kind of model you want for children. This kind of person is not cut out for a long term adult relationship. What is there to love about a man who cheats, calls you names, slams doors--that's not love, that's drama. What kind of values are those? My values and my husband's do not match and it's almost impossible to close that gap, but I have 20 years and two kids to consider. You do not. He's not appalled about his cheating--if he was he wouldn't do it, drunk or not. That is an excuse. I wish someone had talked to me like this 20 years ago. I wish I had not married this man, but it's too late now. Don't do it. Leave now while you still have your dignity.
Run!
Submitted by dweeb on
Just my 2 cents, but you are worth more than what he is providing on a consistent basis. Don't allow him to treat you this way! Get out now!!
Put it this way, if you had a daughter, would you want her with a man like him??