Submitted by Blurry on 12/20/2013.
I am the ADHD husband. Had it my whole life. Even saw a psych when I was a kid. Parents took me trying to figure out why this and that. He never diagnosed it. Now I'm married with a beautiful wife, breast cancer survivor, and two wonderful children(one with ADHD). Would not trade any of them. When I first read the book, I was trying to figure out how I was being followed so well without me knowing it. I have all of the problems that the book describes. Right now I am in a serious funk. Changing meds to see if something works better and am looking for a new counselor, one that will focus on the ADHD. Current counselor talks about the problems I am having with my lady when the book shows that I still have issues with the ADHD. I know that I still have issues, but thought it was better controlled. Go figure. Read a book and realize that may not be the case. So why write all of this? One quote from my wife. "I think it's non existent. Because I think it's a reason just to do what you want to do, when you want top do it and how you want to do it."
Submitted by HurtButHopeful on
That quote from your wife...ugh.
It seems like most situations here involve either the ADHD partner not wanting to confront or admit to the ADHD, or if they do actually try to work on things, then the non-ADHD partner thinks it's all a bunch of baloney.
It's sad. I sure wish more of us could be in situations where BOTH partners were aware and willing to work in the best interest of the relationship and each other.
You've made huge progress
Submitted by Alex on
Hey man, sounds like you are incredibly insightful about your experience. I think that puts you head and shoulders above most people that are living with ADHD. That must be incredibly frustrating to here your spouse say that. Myself, as a non-ADHD spouse, we get so frustrated to to hear that our loved one is aware that something is happening - but doesn't make instantaneous change. That is an unrealistic expectation of the non-spouse. So every little slip up looks like a full on, deliberate, intentionally careless behaviour - when in reality, it's just a slip up with no intent. It's a hard time when your relationship reaches such a point. I wish I had a way to fix that contempt that develops between two spouses after years of hurtful transgression, alas, I have not found one. Does this mean all hope is lost? I suppose not, especially if both parties are willing to meet in the middle. Can you both meet in the middle?
She outright refuses
Submitted by Blurry on
She outright refuses counseling. "A counselor just places the blame."
Yea, everything is intentional. Even just a remark can bring on the full treatment. A friend, ADD'r himself, stays up til the wee hours of the morning, and tries to text me. I mention it and we both remark how he is a night owl. She says that I would to if nothing to worry about. I said no, not anymore. And we were off to the races.
Oh, and it is always over the phone and 90% of the time it is when the kids are near me, not her. So the kids get to see my frustration.
Daughter has asked why we fight and that she doesn't like it and son has asked who he should live with if we get divorced. Questions two pre teens don't really need to be asking.