Non ADHD spouse and new here. Sad, frustrated.

hi Everyone. I really love my partner.  I am really sad though. He has been on ADHD meds for a year but I am feeling like I still am getting the short end of the stick with the relationship.

It has to get to 'crisis' mode for him to work on his debt load.  I have tried to talk to him, be a partner, encourage him, coach him, etc. To no avail.  I got really upset, and have threatened to end the relationship if he does not get his debts under control.  He makes 3 times the money I do, and has not put the effort into this in 3 years since his debt load accumulated...he's not in more debt but he is doing little or nothing to lower his debt.  He promises and then I see the line of credit statement, and nothing.  I dont like nagging, and I feel bad for getting so angry, but it seems it is the only thing that works.  But will it work? I do not believe his promises anymore.

Yes, I feel like I am burdening most of the responsibility financially in the relationship to keep things on track.

Then there are the unmet commitments.  When we were talking about buying a house together I told him that it was very important to me to be at least engaged first. I do not want to be a 'live in girlfriend'.  He understood and agreed that this was something that would happen.  Here we are 3 + years later after the house purchase and this has not happened.  I told him that it hurts, and that I have stood up to my commitments, but he has not.  I am not going to nag him over this, as I have too much pride to badger a man to marry me.   I have started going to family functions on my own and just doing my own things to meet my needs as I feel awkward over this all. 

I guess I am feeling that I took all the risk, moved away from my home and livelihood, restructured my life to build one with him and have had him not meet his promises.  I feel quite used actually.  I am seriously considering cutting my losses now, ending the relationship and moving on.  I do not want to be in a relationship where I am the 'mother figure'; I want mutuality and someone that wants to plan for the future together.  I have talked to him about it all and asked him if it is possible that maybe I am just not the right person for him, and if that is true, lets figure that out now, as I want him to be happy and not be with me because he is 'supposed' to be.

And yes, he was amazingly charming and attentive at the start of the relationship.