Non-ADHD Spouse trying to gain back life...

I am the Non-ADHD partner and have lived with my husband for the past 9 years. I have been "taking care" of him almost from the start, without realizing it until later in the relationship. I knew there was something going on with him, but kind of equated it to him being a Momma's boy or the youngest child. Now years later, I have a lot of anger and resentment towards our situation and have wasted years catering to him like he was a child that I had to pick up and look after. I chalked a lot of it up to being immature, and thought when we had children, he would realize how important it was to be a father and caregiver and some of these "bad" habits would go by the way side. When our daughter was born, he was very good with her, but still didn't have any goals or drive to do much. All the problems we had before her birth, still exist after. As time has gone by, our now 3 year old has a better attention span and can address tasks more efficiently than he can. He is resistant to medication, and believes he can overcome this problem with behavioral exercises, but we have tried some of these exercises in the past and they sound good in theory, but getting him to actually execute them continuously is impossible. I've been doing a lot of reading about the topic, mostly to understand that I'm not crazy and that what I'm going through is quite normal given the situation. I have a new outlook on our relationship and realize that he has a lot of personal issues to work through with his therapy sessions.  I have wasted years on helping him, that I've lost my identity and don't know where to start in order to find it again. I have come to terms with the situation and realize, I have to do more for me and try to pick up the pieces of my life with or without him. I know that our marriage could either improve or completely dissolve, depending on how his treatment goes and whether or not he decides he wants to do the work.

I just feel like I've lost so much time, friends and the ability to live life, because I've spent so much time on working on our marriage and helping him that I just don't have a clue on where to go from here. I still have a child to take care, so I'm not exactly free to do what I want, but I don't know how to function without feeling like I have to direct him on his every move. I used to have a lot of interest in different things, but lost all of it over the years and live in a different area now, so I can't just go back to what I was doing before.  Is anyone else going through something similar?

CHADD...

I looked up the site and they have a local chapter near me, but the schedule shows that they haven't gotten together in months. Not sure if it's still up and running. I've looked at this site before for resources, but not sure this is going to help me for me as much as it provides information for my husband and his needs.

Can you look at starting a

Can you look at starting a meet up group in your area?  You can visit www.Meetup.com for how to start effective meet-up groups.  They have all kinds of stuff and maybe even a support group for this type of things. 

I'm in the process of starting a group in my area in NJ.

~Best~