Non-adhd spouse uses adhd as excuse to be hateful

So I looked for quite awhile and didn't find this topic.  I thought if I am dealing with this so is someone else.  I have adhd and my wife does not.  Now don't get me wrong, I have plenty of anger and other issues to resolve myself.  However, I don't understand why my spouse gets mad and frustrated with me all the time but its "okay" because my actions "made" her frustrated or angry.  If I want an apology I have to ask or demand it because she thinks she doesn't have to.  She acts like I can't get angry but when she does I can't say anything because I "made" her angry.  I just want things to be better.  I know they are rough and there is a lot of work to do on both sides of this marriage.  I JUST WANT BETTER!!!! any suggestions? Thanks,