Here's another question for you guys. Have some of you "non's" lost friends because of the challenges of living with an ADHD'er? (mainly the undertreated and undiagnosed, like our situation) I have lost many friends along the way, mainly due to the craziness in our house. My husband has hyperactive AND inattentive ADHD, and when he enters a room, it's like a tornado just touched down. He talks LOUD, and RUNS through the house, (not walking) and takes over every conversation. When I would have people over, everyone would take a huge sigh of relief when he would leave the room to go do something else. It's not that he was BAD or anything, it's just the ADHD was SO OVERWHELMING, and my husband can NOT SEE IT. Plus, he STILL doesn't believe me when I try to explain some of these actions and reactions to ADHD. Even if friends thought my husband was a "really great guy" out in the real world, it was different when they actually came to our house. THEN.....things were different. They could see the reactions and interaction he was having with US, (his family) and it didn't match what he was "telling" them. My husband complained non stop about our family to other people, that I'm surprised they even kept on listening. But, when they would MEET me, and talk with me and our girls, their experience of BEING with us, didn't match his complaints to them about us. I know they were confused.
I've tried to have friends, but I've been so exhausted, that taking time to be with girlfriends and others (besides work) is too taxing, but it's also necessary to have friends. There's another thing as well ...... I've also noticed that I'm an ADHD MAGNET. Several of my girlfriends turned out to be ADHD, as well as my husband, which made me do an exhaustive search about myself. I read tons of books about co-dependency, dependency, adhd, addictions, narcissism, and toxic relationships, etc. and this is where I learned where I was adding to my own demise in certain areas, as well as learning of new ways to live life. My husband didn't care that I was learning all this, but took HUGE OFFENSE when I learned about issues that were concerning him and us. It was, "Don't tell me there is anything wrong with me or us". I know every person has to have their own "AHA" moments, where you finally get some introspect into your own soul, and I was hoping that my husband could share some of this WITH me, to where we could learn together. IT DIDN'T HAPPEN. As long as I did it on my own, that was okay, just don't bother HIM with it.
I've LOST friends also because of the "time factor" also. I haven't had any TIME to have close friendships. There is always SO MUCH TO DO, all the time, every day, every hour, until exhaustion sets in once again. I know I've put so much time and physical energy into our marriage, that there isn't enough of me to go around. I know I still have much more to learn about myself, and will continue to do so. But, was just wondering how many of you guys out there have friend issues as well. Thanks for any input.
I've often wondered this
Submitted by MFrances on
I've often wondered this myself. We'd get invited over to a friend's house or to do something together with all families, but those invitations have been coming less frequently. He just monopolizes all the conversations, it's no fun for me since they are my friends. He has lost contact for whatever reason with all of the friends he had when we were dating. I don't know why. I'm his only friend and only source of entertainment so to speak. He has no one to go out with, fishing or golfing or whatever. It's exhausting to be all that to someone.