Sad to say, I had a very bad day yesterday physically and emotionally, and was overwhelmed with what was happening between my husband and I. I tried to have a conversation with him, and he again said something very ADHD, which was angry in nature, (which he denies) and says "Don't take it personally". The conversation went like this: I told him something I felt was important that I learned about, which was a political subject, and he states "I'd have to SEE that to believe it". (which he has said hundreds of times). To me, it sounds and feels dismissive of my opinions and observations, and that even an innocent statement can't be said without him "needing proof" that what I said was statistically correct and I wasn't saying something frivolous.
He said he doesn't want to have to repeat what I say and then it turn out to be "wrong". "So, that I don't look like a fool if I tell someone else, and I'm WRONG". He's MORE concerned with looking foolish when re-telling the story to someone ELSE, rather than having an inter ACTION with his own wife. Why does EVERYTHING I say have to be repeated to someone else? makes no sense. Why does he CARE if something I said was me just making conversation, putting me down in doing it, without me PROVING IT TO HIM? Like many things, ALL I WANTED was to be HEARD and be validated that I was caring to talk to him about some things that were important to ME. I tried to tell him this, but he got angry and said............"See I CAN'T SAY ANYTHING TO YOU". . He doesn't talk about me, or TO me. He talks AT me about himself. So, I don't understand what he's worried about.
We also talked about his affair, and current "romance" with his old girlfriend, which is DEAL BREAKER with me. We went back and forth about things, and he came back later and said, "I"m sorry". We talked a little further, after we calmed down, which was better, but THIS is where it got weird. Instead of apologizing with a SINCERE apology, such as "I'm so sorry that my actions caused you pain or hurt". He said "I have to live the rest of MY LIFE KNOWING that I've caused someone else pain".........................THAT to me is a total selfish way of apologizing without REALLY apologizing. Because once again, he's making this whole thing about HIM. not ME. He didn't EMPATHIZE with my pain, but only saw that HE had to live the rest of his life feeling bad about hurting "someone else". He didn't even use my name, or say "I hurt YOU". Does anyone else see this as a total way of NOT apologizing? I could be wrong, but it did NOT feel like an apology, and he disappeared back into his office and played computer games.
I'm glad I'm getting out of this, because I know I can't continue living with this man, expecting to gain enough strength for my inner self to heal. There is SO MUCH work to do on my inner self.