Non-verbal cues

Here's another thing that's been bothering me.

Living in the same space is difficult for many reasons. But being in the same room at the same time, that's the real difficulty. On a very basic level.

So, for instance, if I need to go through a door, and my ADHD angel is standing there, when I approach her, I need to say: "Please, move aside, because I need to go through this door." Otherwise, it's like she doesn't see me.

And when I say this, she reacts like she's being scolded.

This can take many forms. Imagine cooking together, we're both in the same room. If I'm in my mittens, carrying a really hot skillet I've just taken out of the oven, she won't move unless I tell her I need her to do so. If I need to strain the pasta, she won't move away from the sink unless I tell her to. Repeatedly.

So we keep bumping into each other every turn we take.

Another thing is that she often freezes when she starts talking. And even though there are some "sensitive areas", where I know she doesn't like talking to much, like the stairway (because the neighbors will hear), if we start talking there, she takes the key out and puts it in the keyhole and then freezes mid-motion, and keeps talking and talking. The heavy bag that I'm carrying from the car doesn't seem to bother her.

If it's raining and I go to the car with her for the groceries and she starts talking (she really doesn't like me interrupting her), she'll just keep standing there in the rain and talk with her hand on the trunk handle, even though I'm in my home slippers, because I assumed it was only going to take like 15 seconds.

When there's a door opening inwards, she'll always (and I mean always) stand in the way, so that I need to tell her to move aside so that I'm able to open it.

It's like she doesn't know my intention, doesn't know what's going to happen in the next 3 seconds. She does this when we're going through a revolting door, for Pete's sake.

When we're in a restaurant and the waiter comes, she fails to acknowledge their presence. They keep standing there and at some point I feel it's rude to keep them waiting, so I shift my focus, smile, say a kind word, apologize, while she still keeps talking. But she often interprets this as me not listening.

Sometimes, when I really feel we need to resume the action, I give her a gentle nudge. I always try doing it in a gentle, loving way, putting my arm around her, and just applying slight pressure. This way, she can keep talking and still be pushed into motion. Sometimes, she just mechanically starts walking and it doesn't disrupt the conversation; other times, she'll react defensively - "why are you pushing me?!" Like I'm violating her personal space.

And, apart from all that, there's two issues I feel are connected somehow:

1) When I stop occupying some space, she'll immediately annex it. Like if we're in bed, if I go for a glass of water, I find her lying across and there's no room for me. Or we're in a restaurant, and I go to the toilet, her bag is always sitting in my chair when I'm back. And that brings me to another point:

2) When I say "please, let me return to my space", there's a huge delay. She reacts immediately by saying "ok, I'll remove this bag so you can sit back", but this does not actually happen. It may seem trivial in a restaurant, but if I'm carrying a really heavy bag of whatever and need to put it down immediately at the place she's occupying, it becomes a problem. We've had cases when I had to throw a really hot pan that was starting to burn me on the floor because of that.


I really have no explanation for all of this. While I realize she might get distracted by talking and forget the surroundings, what's with the need to take over all space if that's not necessary and she knows it disturbs me? Seems so compulsive...

Anyone care to comment? Have you ever experienced anything like this? Does this ring any bell?