Not anger, but definately some frustration...

So as most of you know - I have been trying to "act from love" for the past few months, in response to my husband really stepping things up around the house, and for my OWN well being as i would rather always act from love than not. 


Since he has quit his job, he has fallen back into not following through, not doing his part in the house etc.  its 10-15 minutes of getting things done around the house, and then outside for a 20-30 minute break on the back deck chain smoking and looking at his phone.  Its always me having to ask him to get things done that he is supposed to just do (as agreed), and then it an almost constant "I plan on getting it done", and yet... a week or THREE later the thing still wasnt done.  I am trying to be patient and let him find his routine again - but its been a month since he left his previous job.  I dont like having to nag, and refuse to do so as I will not be drawn into his self sabatoge.  But it sure is causing my respect level to start to drop off again.  I thought the progress he made on his own FOR himself was real - and now i am starting to doubt it.  I know several of you warned me that it was a trick - manipulation to keep me from kicking him out (letting him stay longer).  I dont want to believe that - I really dont.


I guess I just needed to vent a little.  I hope he figures out what ever it was he figured out before.  The sad thing is - if he just got his "chores" done in the morning, it would take 2 hours max, and then he could work on house projects or his hobby projects for the rest of the day.  But he like to procrastinate until the last minute, and I swear if I didnt ask him to take care of something 100 times it would not get done.   its frustrating to me because I hate living in a house with gunk on the counters, dirty dishes EVERYWHERE   - not just the sink, 1000000 dr pepper cans everywhere...  And when he was working, I was able to keep up on the mess. LOL  Now that he is home, there is a hell of alot more mess to deal with.  I will say this though - he has not given me any attitude, and has actually been spending his "own" money on things too - so its not like it was before.  I just dread it getting worse.....   I still dont know what his plans are - so keeping mine in tact unless I am convinced to change them for some reason.


He does seem more relaxed and happy though- and that is a good thing.  I just hope he gets this lazyness under control again and good LORD he eats horribly.  If I ate like that I doubt I would be able to even function at all beyond breathing.  He hasnt figured out the connection between what he eats and how he feels yet.... He just doesnt have the self control to even go a month with eating a LITTLE bit better to see the difference.  Sad really.


I still act from love, because I do love him.  But I am certainly becoming more and more confident at how good my life is bettering every day because I am taking care of myself and not focusing on him.  Being able to do this with NO regrets is what saves me.