I did as recommended and read and read Is It you, me or adult add, etc.... The more I read the less angry I got... the more depressed I became. So I must mourn that I married 6 mo ago to a man that finally "saw me".. to find out with heart tearing suddenness, right after our wedding, that he only saw me bc I was the recipient of his hyper-focus. It is too late now... I left my job and life to move here for us to make a life for us and his daughter. I know noone here but his world, so, there is noone to talk to. He is not a jerk, he actually cares, and so ..can you believe it... I feel like I am drowning bc I cannot even be angry. It could be any other woman, right... he just hyper focused on me... I don't have the amount of beauty or anything to reawaken his interest... 6 mo married and sex/intimacy once a mo. if ever. I know books say...don't take it personally... What the heck? I get not to blame him... But how am I supposed not to take personally that this is the rest of my life. I am So. European... we show our love in touch all the time.. I feel as if I was starving for air. I am ready to give up and just let myself be sucked into his world as the servant of Add treatment. I waited years and years... I was so careful about falling in love... I saw so much sorrow around.... It could have been any other woman that passed in front of his sight. Hyperfocus... Nothing to do with me. I was just the idiot that imagined deserved that sort of attention. I am, I am told, beautiful, the accent helps... I spent life being careful not to let a man have me just because he wanted a collectable piece (you'd be surprise how many of those guys are around).... I thought he "saw" me,...me...my heart. I put shields down. The strike was fatal. ADHD wins. I tried to write here more..but sometimes, like in the sex thread, answers were so harsh... I knew I could not bear more ... So I am not angry anymore... I am informed, exhausted, disenchanted, lonely, surrendering, feeling ugly and undeserving, ... I don't know how to not keep walking, so I shall... but as of today I am too heartbroken to lift my head. Just wait till is over, till another focus comes into his view (person or thing) ..how am I to know? how is he to know? he can't help it, at least he is trying for treatment but crashing against dangerous side-effects..... My family died a long time ago. Orphan life is not easy for a girl. There is no where to go, for a break or anything else. I stay and wait in total surrender. What is the point anyway? he is a good man who can't help his condition..and I am the woman who feels I ..what is the English saying... had the bait switched?... by ADD. I needed the loving I thought I had found. I survived so many dying...was so many years of no family at all.... but it was only hyperfocus... he loves me, in his ADD way, I know... but I can't see how given the nature of impulse and hyperfocus, how it is not just temporary.... and I don't think I know how to make my So. European body understand that the rest of my life is about touch-starvation. Any way. I am just saying good bye to you all who commiserated and shared experiences with me. I am so sorry that any of you have to go through any of this, ADD sufferers and co-sufferers. I am so sorry. You all deserve a life time of joy. I wish you are all stronger and better shored-up that me and can strive for it. Warmest wishes to you.
Submitted by lovehurtsalotwi... on
maybe it is the hyper focus that drawn him to you,but if he did not see some sort of attraction in you he would not have been with you,and there is nothing wrong with giving up everything to start a life with the man you love,, nothing is wrong with that,what you need to do is show him your love and affection and don't be so hard on your self.Try back getting yourself a new job and starting over your career in what ever fields your accustom too.Don't be so disappointed in "YOU"that's not the right approach in dealing with the stress of an ADHD spouse,in fact it will be "DOUBLE"stress on your behalf,the right approach is to try and "first"get him to understand your "needs" and hurt"s in the relationship and how much you love him and want the relationship to work out,and then try for him to go and get proper diagnose and treatment for his lack of function in the brain.ADHD is not the end of the world,and I have been through a lot with my ADHD husband but learning more and reading more helps me to be strong for the "both"of us.You need to be strong for your man no matter what, I learn that the hard way! hope it works out for you:..........from:lovehurtsalotwithanger.