I very often feel that my ADD husband would be better off without being married to me. Ten years of struggling with this disease and it never gets better and I only get worse. I hate the person I've become. I can clearly remember a time when I would never have imagined thinking or saying the things I say to my husband now out of frustration. I am not nice to him. It's so hard for me to put my anger and resentment aside enough to give him praise when he tries. I can't be grateful for what little effort he puts forward. All I ever think is that it's not enough, and maybe it never will be. I am so used to being alone and dealing with everything on my own now, that I already feel like a single parent. And I often wonder if maybe I wouldn't be happier. I would have all the same responsibilities as I do now, but I wouldn't have to constantly worry about what he was doing, or not doing. I could come home to the ocassionally messy house knowing that only I made it, and I will clean it up. I wouldn't come home to a huge mess that just reappeared after I cleaned the house the day before. I wouldn't have to worry about finances and what he was doing behind my back. I would stop trying to get him to pay attention, or show interest in our lives, in making major decisions, or enjoying simple family time. It would be so much less chaotic. I wouldn't get frantic phone calls during the day at work when he was overwhelmed and couldn't take it anymore, and he wouldn't yell at the kids so much. I often feel like he would be happier living on his own, doing whatever he wanted to do, not burdened by the family responsibilities he seems to resent so much. I try to help over and over and over, but when it fails, I'm so devastated that all I can do is blame him, and yell. This isn't fair to him or to me. I love him and want our family to work, but I can't see myself surviving even another 10 years of this with any semblance of my former self intact. I don't want to be mean to him and unsympathetic, but I can only do so much. I need him to step up and take ownership of his ADD and start trying to make it better! Not just listen while I spew what I've learned at him, or pretend like he's going to try some new technique. He may have every intention of doing it, but five minutes later he's forgotten about it. I feel like if he could own it, he could make it better, but he doesn't make managing his ADD a priority, but it dominates our lives.
Submitted by NonADDWife on 08/22/2012.