I dont know whats happened lately - but my husband, who for 7 years has failed to follow through with SO MANY THINGS... and who has rarely pulled 'his weight' in the houshold - has been pulling off some seriously big time stuff recently. Out of the blue, about two weeks ago he just started... DOING things. Cleaning things. ????!!!!!????? I wish I knew what changed!!!!!! Its like a light went off in his head maybe? I dont know!! Have any of you been through this with your spouse?
He came to me and asked me to give him projects. I did - and didnt expect him to finish the ONE I gave him, but... he did! And he like REALLY did it - not half assed, not to the minimum quality possible - he did it - fully and did it well! And every day - save for a couple of days when family was in town, and one day he wasnt feeling great - he has stuck to it, so I have given him more projects, more things I feel confident he can do. Yesterday, I just wrote things on a list - he has self motivated. Maybe he felt so good when he did the original work he wanted to continue? I dont know? I mean - I hope so? I know I posted about this a few times - but I wanted to do a fully positive, proud of him post here.
I truly hope that he feels good and proud of what he has done. He stepped up to the plate and batted a home run. And to top that off - one of the things that really seemed to ground him and seemed to help him through so much was working out and eating well. He never was able to manage symptoms so well, and never seemed to be happier than when he was going to cross fit, paying attention to what he was eating and actually pulling his own weight. He was happy - I was happy - WE were happy! I felt like a queen. He was confident, strong, a rocket about to take off! Well - he crashed when some horrible memories came to the surface and for the past 2 years has been in a hole from it. Well - that man, who had been spending his days chain smoking and on FB sitting on the deck that was trashed - he stepped up on our elliptical 2 days ago and did a HARD workout. I mean - he powered through the pain, he sweated, and he finished a hard program. He didnt step off or give up a single minute. He had to slow down and take a breath or two - but he didnt step off the machine. THEN!!!! He did it AGAIN yesterday - against all odds!
I REALLY hope this helps him. I hope it reminds him that HE CAN DO ANYTHING he wants. Something he so desperately needs. I also know this changes nothing for "us" (as much as I wish it did mean something for "us") - but I love him and want him to become the man he says he wants to be regardless of his feelings about me. I just hope this is him starting to see that he IS capable.
Today - he cleaned up and organized the utility room. It was on the list of projects I gave to him yesterday. I thought I would have to ask him to do something today. I really thought that since I wrote it down - that would have triggered something and he would get annoyed and give up. But... thats not what happened! Before he has done anything else today - he did the chores, took care of the dogs (he loves them so much) took one to the vet to get his nails done, came back and instead of taking long breaks - HE GOT UP AND DID A PROJECT!!!! Not only that - but holy crap - he did an amazing job. I know I probably looked like a goon when I walked in and saw it - but honestly I was amazed! He did SUCH a good job! There were no corners cut, there was no "moving piles of junk to other piles of junk". He actually honest to good ness organized and cleaned that room like a dammed pro!
Seriously- this is a big deal. This is amazing. I hope he feels VERY proud of this.
I wish I could say it to him. But I cant. So - I am telling you - my friends here who understand WHY this is so big. I did tell him thank you and that he did a really amazing job. :-)
TO HELL with those monsters in his head that tell him he is LESS. TODAY HE DEFIED YOU! (have more choice words but trying to not be too offensive in here LOL).
See - today, after working so
Submitted by SpaceyStacey197... on
See - today, after working so hard all morning - today would be a day that I didn't care if he spent the rest of the afternoon playing his video game, or spent it swimming and laying out by the pool. If he wanted to go see a movie, or lounge on the couch with the dogs and watch TV. Because he worked hard already. Sure - there are still things to be done, and there will be tomorrow too - but I do believe that when someone does put in the work - they do deserve the reward of relaxation too. I hope he does a workout today too. I am trying hard to not be overly optimistic for him, and I certainly will not put any expectations on him. But that cant stop me from hoping for him. He is the one who will benefit from this the most.
Stacey, this is wonderful
Submitted by NowOrNever (not verified) on
Wonderful news. More power to him.
I read your response to that long thing I wrote to J. I had a thought about it that comes again as I read this very fine news:
He'll have to find his own path, his own way.
I'm sitting on my hands so that I don't wave them around in excitement. He does sound like he's doing it his way.
Expect some ups and downs, OK. Coming from one (me the backslider) who is great at beginning things but then it gets sticky wicket about week 2 or 3.
But I think every win is a win. It's not a down payment or paying an old debt, it's a WIN.
All I know to do if someone has worked it out in his head that I'm not what I am is to stick to my guns, do my darndest not to get defensive, and go on.
Accept it : ) We're married to Mystery Men.... partly.
You're on a roll Stacey. I do think it has helped my husband in completely intangible ways, when I began to get my own going after better for me going.
: ) You're on a roll...