I have a friend with diagnosed ADHD. She is honest, sincere, contemplative, curious about life. She tells it like it is and accepts and is open with the fact that her mind works differently. I usually don't SEE it in her but she tells me how she compensates. She takes care of herself, finding her joy and being productive. She is open in saying that she does not want anyone to have to depend on her and she doesn't want to be in a position where she must depend on someone else. I know that she may one day stop communication because her life goes in different directions at whim. But I trust her to tell me the truth and can accept that. DH has what I believe is ADD (maybe smatterings of other things - he seems to not have empathy or compassion and unable to play on a "team" with rules). The thing that is hardest to live with is not being able to TRUST him. I can't depend on his promises or even that he will meet me at an allotted time. He will not talk about plans for future or how he feels about ANYTHING. He is glib and superficial. I am writing this to say that I now see that ADD is not responsible for his irresponsibility and my resentment and apologize to anyone on this board who I may have offended or disheartened by my angst-ridden notes and frustration with how I feel about DH. To those of you like my friend who have ADD/ADHD traits only and not the other negative traits my DH has, this is a note that says to you and your spouses that I am aware that you can have good relationships if you are trustworthy and caring and communication is open. Maybe there should be a new category here for those of us who are dealing not only with ADHD/ADD but also the more damaging traits of dishonesty and manipulation or narcissism.
Submitted by jennalemon on 12/10/2012.