After reading and learning, on this site and others, I understand the whole "now, not now" time frame ADDers operate from...
What I don't understand is how to live with it!?!?!?!
When it comes to wishing to sit down and talk to my ADD partner about something I would approach him and say, "could we please sit down and talk about x?" and his response is, "can we not talk about his right now?! I don't want to talk about his right now!". So ok, I wait and approach him about it again later or in 2 weeks and the response will be the same, except now I'm nagging him to talk! :/
When it comes to asking my ADD partner for help I'd approach him and say, "could you please help me carry this thing upstairs as it is too heavy and awkward for me to carry alone?" and his response is, "can we do it later... I don't feel like doing that right now!". I'll ask him again later or in 2 weeks and the response is the same, except now he's annoyed or I'm nagging him... again. :/
Bill payments are the same... I will email him a request to email me the money for a bill I already paid and he will just ignore my email request or else if I send another he will tell me he'll pay later, when he wants to! But I'm still out the money and he's got tons more to get by on than I do---he just doesn't want to part with it. He says its a "mind" thing and that he can only pay it when he's ready... :/ (must be nice)
How on earth do I find the patience to sit with the unresolved issues he leaves me with by not talking to me, or helping me out or doing his share?
I know if he and I were watching a movie where this was going on in the actors relationship, he'd think it was wrong and think the guy was a jerk! So how does he justify it in his own life/mind???
Oh, and as for example above with regards to the heavy thing I couldn't lift... I ended up asking someone else to come over and help me (as I would if my partner were not in my life at all) and my partner got upset with me and said, "why didn't you just wait for *me* to help you with that? I said *I* would help you!!!" He said this right in front of the person who took the time to come over to help me do it! :/ Luckily my family knows what he's like and they don't feel duped by his sly comments...
Now, I know it's wrong to think he's manipulative and just pushing my buttons as I've read this "now, not now" time frame is pretty standard ADD stuff... But how do you all deal with the repercussions (emotional or otherwise) this "now, not now" time frame brings about?
I just feel like primal screaming... but I know that's not the right answer. lol