I need advice.
I filed for divorce and it should be finalized in March. In the meantime, husband won't leave the house and seems to be in denial about everything.
I was talking to my daughter and trying to prep her that this IS coming. She asked who was getting the house. I said, "The judge will decide, but probably me because Dad can't afford it." (Husband hasn't worked in over a year and is not seriously looking for work.) Daughter is upset and defensive about her dad. Husband paints a picture that since I was a stay-at-home mom for many years, I "owe" him now and it's his turn to stay home. The difference, of course, is that I worked my butt off as a stay-at-home mom. I also started working part-time when the kids were old enough to be home alone.
I'm really trying hard to not disparage my husband. At the same time, I don't want to be the bad guy myself. I know that in a few years, the kids will see the truth about the situation. But until then, it can be hard to take the high road. I can't fully explain my reasons for divorce without making him look bad. In staying quiet, I look selfish and petty instead.
My reasons for divorce in a nutshell: Husband doesn't support the family (either financially or as a competent stay at home dad who takes care of household business/chores), he has and continues to put us at financial risk; his angry outbursts have become more and more frequent, lack of a marriage partnership and emotional intimacy; unfair division of labor, unfinished projects, parent/child dynamic, etc.