It's been a while since I posted. I left off last fall when my wife was finally diagnosed with ADHD and our 12-year-old (now identified as non-binary they) had been repeatedly admitted to psychiatric hospitals. They have not been admitted since December, and things were looking better (despite a dramatic increase in the number of voices in their head.) We arranged for them to go to summer camp for 3 weeks and planned to finally take a "just the two of us" vacation during the final week. True to form, my wife was very optimistic while I feared getting a call to pick them up while we were on the road or riding a roller coaster.
Well, it did not take that long. On the third day, the camp said they could not handle them (telling the other kids about "bugs" in the food and water, retching at the table, etc.) They blame the camp for kicking them out because of their "disability." My wife picked them up yesterday. Now they need to come on our vacation with us.
Last Saturday, my wife wanted to order from a new pizza place and they went into panic mode because the new place might not know if their soup contained meat. Somehow, the restaurants they are familiar with were OK. Vegetarian beans from another restaurant might have meat because they were not dried the right way, etc. I am very concerned about how they are going to act when we need to eat during the trip. Also, they now vomit several times a day, even when we are at restaurants. We had this checked thoroughly and the gastroenterologist found no reason for the vomiting.
I fear a repeat of a previous vacation where my wife's "ready, fire, aim" approach led to a traumatic verbal/emotional attack on me because she was angry at the kids. I was unable to get away because we were in the car. I reminded her that she needs to control her anger and work with me if problems arise. She had the "but that was six years ago, why are you bringing this up now" response. We did have a couples session last night, and the marriage counselor was supportive of what I was saying. I did rephrase it as "we need to..."
We are going to one amusement park we have been to before and two that we have never visited. One of them has 18 coasters. We're also doing a few other things. So we don't want to just scrap the vacation. I have been looking forward to it for several months.
I’ve been there.
Submitted by sickandtired on
I’ve been stuck in a car with my ADHD ex while he yelled at me, insulted me, and demanded that I do things HIS way. I was not driving, so I had no control. I hope you will be driving. If you are at the wheel and she starts verbally abusing you, you could hopefully pull over and take a walk till she calms down. I feel for you dreading what could happen on this trip. One question: you seem to be into roller coasters, and it looks like you might plan to ride several in this trip. How will that work with your 12 year old? I would worry they might not heed the safety instructions to stay seated with their safety belt in place. Sorry to add to your worries, but you never know what can happen. My ADHD ex lifted up our dog and placed him up on the rail of the Hoover Dam. When I screamed at him in horror “What are you DOING!?!”, he said he wanted my dog to “get a better view”. I grabbed my dog and got him safely on the bridge again. My sweet dog is sitting right here beside me as I write this, and because of stunts like that, my ex is long gone in my rear view mirror.
Back from vacation
Submitted by bowlofpetunias on
It was a very mixed trip, with lots of complaining (including fatigue, panting, pain, food, vomiting...) from the 12 year old. This eventually motivated us to just get a wheel chair and push them around so we could actually go on rides. There were no ride safety issues. Once, they got strapped into a coaster that was about to leave the station and called to be let out. They got out, but later returned and rode the coaster. They also stayed in the car when we went to some places and returned to the hotel while we were at the main amusement park a few times. Most embarrassingly, they vomited in the lobby of a restaurant at the hotel while we were waiting to be seated. (We have had extensive tests done on the reported physical symptoms and there was nothing found. They appear to be psychosomatic.)
My wife had tested out tent with our son while I was at work. When we set it up, there were no strings to tie down the rain fly! It stormed like crazy, and we spent the night in a hotel. The tent had puddles the next day. It stormed again, and we tried to pack up the tent. I said it would not dry properly and would stink up the van. She agreed and we just threw it out.
My wife lost it a few times. Once, she got angry because the 12 year old was not wearing shoes and could not go on a bike tour. It turns out that (as I suggested) the shoes were in the van and we could have made the trip. Fortunately, we were able to do it the next day. She was very upset when delays from the 12 year old made us miss the water rides she wanted to go on. Then, she became very mad and attacked me because she had trouble finding the place to rent the wheelchair. She later acknowledged that she took things out on me and apologized.
On the positive side, I got to go on 23 roller coasters I had never ridden before. There were two others I wanted to ride, but they were not running. One of them was a very unique coaster that I was especially looking forward to. We also did get a bit of alone time, including cocktails on the beach one night.
You need a break
Submitted by 1Melody1 on
You need a break so badly, bowl. I really hope you get one eventually. You are holding so much together.