Our house is for sale. I am cleaning, fixing, organizing all around the house inside and out. And getting things ready for company for the 4th of July. He said he is going to plant potatoes today. Our garage and sheds are messy and dirty with mounds of stuff that needs to be thrown out and cleaned out. He is in the woods pulling out an area of grasses and weeds slowly as though he has nothing else better to do in the world, like he is appreciating each and every plant - making piles and piles of weeds. He said he is making a place to PLANT A POTATO PATCH!!!!!
I believe he devotes ALL his thoughts and free time to making himself FEEL good at the moment. He doesn't permit himself discomfort of applying himself toward ANYTHING that is not fun at the moment. Not even to make a plan or conversation about things that matter. It is ALL diversions. games, puzzles, drinking, smoking, hours of shooting the breeze, tv, radio, driving around, ...... seems to me like he is giving himself the "Life of Riley" while I take care of our life. I have come to realize that talking, negotiating or reasoning has no affect on his actions or thoughts or feelings. He is planting potatoes....or maybe that is a lie and he just wants to be out of the house doing his own thing without any real purpose....he lies a lot and there is too much to do. When I am with him, I have no voice, not even an existence to him other than an annoyance to his blissful planet where he lives alone.
I would rather be walking along the lake appreciating the sun and water and sand....just enjoying the day and loving life without any cares. I would like to be walking with someone I love and share a life with. But I am doing HIS stuff while he plants potatoes which you can buy so cheap in the store.....I am not to bother him while he is in his solitary blissful intention.
I am in this "marriage" alone.
The maddening part is that I get the impression from him that he feels SUPERIOR to me because he knows how to ENJOY life and makes ENJOYMENT a priority. Then he should not have bought this big house that we must sell now. But there is no planning or thinking about the future.....just happy, happy, joy, joy.....for himself.