I am just so exhausted. Literally nothing I am about to say is new, we have all been there and heard it all before. The messes, the projects half done, the lack of any meaningful communication. Today DH tells me one of his headlights is out on his car (he can fix it, no big deal) and it will cost $35 for the light he needs to fix it. So I give him the debit card to go get it. He comes home and hands me the receipt: $83. "oh, I must have looked at the wrong thing online." Okay then. It's not the end of the world, just add it to the pile of crap that we all live with. I also had a big go-around with my oldest son about his girlfriend (DH was not home when that occurred) and there is no way I would even tell him about it because he would not take my side or even be objective. He would have some weird take on the whole thing or somehow I would be the bad guy. So tired of being on my own over here.
I read all of the threads and posts here and I feel so sad for all of us. We all went into marriage with decent intentions I think, wanting to have a meaningful sustained relationship with another person and for all kinds of reasons ALL related to ADHD, very few of us have that, I know I don't. More than anything I feel like I was duped, sold a bill of goods, lied to from the start. I wish I could get rid of that bitterness because it isn't hurting anyone but me--DH barely notices I'm alive, let alone my demeanor from day to day. He does not care what I am feeling about anything. I know I don't want to be old and bitter before my time, but I fear it's too late. How is it possible to be done at age 48? To have your best years wasted, behind you? I spent so many hours in therapy trying to get my brain around HIM and for what? He doesn't change, doesn't even think there is a problem. I just cannot go back to an office and hash the same stuff out over and over and over week in week out but at the same time I am drowning and lonely.