Now what?

Just married a year, yesterday as a matter of fact and we are separated.  This isn't the first time either, the first time was in November.  I took my husband back under the conditions that he would seek counseling and stop the constant complaining and ignorant comments towards me and my children, but that lasted about a week and gradually progressed into me asking him to leave on the day before Christmas.  So here I sit, not knowing what next........Christmas, New Years and now yesterday our first year anniversary and didn't spend any of it as a family.  He is so stubborn, will not admit that he has symptoms of extreme ADHD and our couple counselor even told him that and suggested testing.  Why is he sacrificing his family over not admitting he has a condition that to some degree is treatable?  He is one minute telling me how much he loves me and didn't want this, but then turns around and says it is my fault because I am this and that.  I have had to call the police as he has removed property from our home while I was at the train station sending my son off to the military and I have changed the locks to the home.  Is he going to sit down and talk to me about anything.  I feel like I am left holding the bag, not knowing what to do.  He is so impulsive, last separation he immediately filed divorce papers and tried to get me and my kids out of the house.  This time it seems different.......I don't know what he is up to.  Is there anything I can do?  Just seems like we can't communicate without him pointing fingers at me while really if he took a long hard look in the mirror at himself, he may find the answer as to why I am wife #2 and hopefully not ex-wife soon.

Frustrated and extremely sad.......

Ooppss

Did I post in the wrong place?  No comments yet......

 KIMBO - so sorry that you

 KIMBO - so sorry that you are going through such a difficult time with you husband.  As you work your way through this site you may notice many other stories just like yours - I hope you are able to find some support. ADHD (while tested or not) the signs and symptoms are there in daily life and makes living a calm, fulfilling life challenging.

The best advice I can give is to work on you.  Find ways to make yourself happy - don't let his symptoms/actions decide how you will feel.  Also really think about how much you are able to put into the marriage-really think about this.

I'm assuming that since your husband isn't being treated (meds and counseling) -is he willing to get help?  Treatment seems to be a long road - I say this since my DH and I have been in counseling for 3-4 months and have made a great deal of progress and then the bottom fell out.  So there is a huge time committiment on both sides and lots of ups and downs on this road. 

I wish you much peace and please know that you are not alone in this chaos that ADHD causes in our lives.

I don't know if I can commit

I don't know if I can commit to this type of life....reading some of these stories is making me think that I don't want to have to deal with this chaos in my life.  I am trying to raise children and keep myself healthy.  Shouldn't the person with ADHD be responsible and recognize that they have a problem and deal with it.  It is like having another child to have to raise.  Now today he is saying that he wishes that he could feel something from me that he hasn't in a long time and that it hurts.  What?  You left me the day before Christmas......sounds like he wants me to feel sorry for him again.  Am I wrong?  Like really here.....any other comments would be appreciated.

Kimbo, I completely

Kimbo, I completely understand where you are at right now.  ADHD is very painful for both parties - I can bet you are feeling like "what is she taking about; he's the one doing this", right? Well its hard to get (its taken me 5months to start getting it) But a great deal of Adhd deals with how little self esteem that person has - they feel alot of shame, guilt and low self worth. There is so much about ADHD that I have left to learn. And the behavior you mentioned above is very much the norm.

However to be fair there are a number of folks here on the message boards that have contained the adhd in their lives (or loved ones) and have found happiness again together. I urge you to read some more on the boards - Melissa Orlov and her husband are a great example of an ADHD marriage and turnaround. What Im saying is that there is hope.

Best wishes to you and your jouney - with whichever you choose

My thoughts and prayers are with you.

Rachel's picture

Wise man

Kimbo, I think you could put things this way: the average of us, human beings, do not like to admit errors and problems. Is not a ADHD thing, is a human being thing. Many ADHD people work things through and become wiser in front of life´s challenges. You can exercise and try to be grateful as God is giving you a fresh and renewed opportunity to find and get a good and wise man to yourself!! All the best