Im still new here but have a few ?s:
My husband was diagnosed with severe adult ADHD recently, to noone's surprise but his own. He seems to have taken it hard. He has memory problems already due to encephalitis in the past, but I don't know how much more I can take. Even our 7 year old cant stand the chaos that follows his dad everywhere. My marriage is over I'm afraid. The only reason I stuck around this long was to get some finances in order.
His therapist recommended at least trying the meds, but hubby wants to "think about it," and that was two weeks ago. Finally today I just made appt with his doctor, even though he said he could (then why didn't he two weeks ago?). when I told him, he sounded relieved, which leads me to my questions:
1. Is it the ADHD that he refuses to ask for help?
2. I can't finish 1 sentence before he butts in and says, "I know.". My nephew with ADHD also "knows" everything, what the heck is that about?
3. I'm not going to get my hopes up that he even makes it to his doctor appt, however I was wondering even if that happens and he starts the meds what, if any expectations should I have?
4. I also get so very stressed out having a conversation with him. He jumps from topic to topic, starts stories at the end and takes forever to tell them, by then I have completely lost interest on top of a pounding headache from the topic jumping. Is this the ADHD or just lack of social skills?
I hope this helps some...
Submitted by Pbartender on
I hope this helps some...
1. Sort of... but not directly. It's a standard and natural reaction to traumatic revelation. Arthur Schopenhauer once said, "All truth passes through three stages. First, it is ridiculed. Second, it is violently opposed. Third, it is accepted as being self-evident." For him, the truth of his ADHD may still be working it's way through those first two stages. In the meantime, while he's working through that, the forgetfulness, distractibility and "now/not now" time sense of ADHD may have contributed to his failure to make an appointment.
2. This could simply be a defensive reaction to what he might feel as being nagged. You may or may not be actually nagging, but ADHDers tend to get a lot of that from everyone -- and especially their spouses. He may be a little hypersensitive to it and be unintentionally overreacting.
3. The meds may take some time (months!) to get right... There's different types that work different ways for different people, and its takes some trial and error to get just the right med and dosage. Honesty with the doc about how well they work and exactly what effect they are having is most important! Ideally, the meds should help with concentration, attention, memory, moods and such, but they don't fix everything by themselves.
Having a good ADHD coach/therapist is important, and he'll have to put in a lot of hard work to unlearn some old habits and relearn some new ones. Again, it'll likely quite some take time before you see consistent change, and there'll almost certainly be false starts and setbacks. Don't get discouraged... either of you.
Think about it in the same terms of an amputee... Instead of missing a leg, for example, your husband is missing his short-term memory, a consistent sense of time and the ability to regulate his attention. The meds are like the mental equivalent of a prosthetic leg. And the ADHD coaching can be likened to the physical therapy needed to relearn how to walk and run with the prosthetic.
But... While it will makes things a lot easier on him if you can be there to back him up and "cheerlead" him on some, he's ultimately the one who has to do the work and he has to WANT! to do it. Otherwise, he'll never get anywhere with it, and it'll never stick for long.
4. This is one that I always have to work hard at... It's mostly a lack of social skills because of ADHD. The topic jumping stems from an over-active high-speed thought process (ADHD), and the inability to notice your lack of interest comes from a hyperfocus on the topic and the information he's spewing out that makes him oblivious the social signals you're sending.
What else is ADHD behavior
Submitted by Rain1988 on
I've been going over your advice all day, which was great thank you. We did have a pretty big fight about me feeling abandoned and the fact that he doesn't want to sacrifice ANYTHING to get us out of the financial debt I had no idea we were in. Nothing too major but investments he has (land) that he refuses to sell as well as cattle. I have a collection of special edition cars, had to sell one to pay off my credit cards and huge dr bills (I have autoimmune disease). He finally agreed to sell what he said was an investment, land. Today he comes home with the check because the bank needs to hold it, as he has a huge operating note. I suggested a financial planner but he says he doesn't need one, he knows how to manage his money, yeah...right.
He also hoards certain things. He's got an obsession with old junky pick ups and broncos that he says he will get around to fixing up. Hhe has 9, only 3 run. We've fought about his desire to keep these for years, he's always full of excuses. It's also an eyesore everywhere one is parked. Well today, I couldn't believe it, he came in from work and a friend of his wants to buy one (husbands favorite Bronco, not friend) and also wants to buy a couple others for parts. Husband agreed!!! I kept my mouth shut other than the thank you, I appreciate it. He said he was sad so I was nice and said I know it hurts, it hurt when I sold the car. I know this is small but to me shows he finally sees he may need to make sacrifices as well. I'm just so proud!
Of course rest of evening he sits on couch watching me do his dishes, his laundry at the same time telling me it doesn't need done. I have 3 rules for him that I don't think are that hard: 1. Clean clothes. 2. Clean dishes. 3. Clean body
He has trouble with the clean clothes and dishes. He does shower but will go weeks without shaving, which with his beard, just looks dirty. I can't figure out if it's laziness, deviance, or what but I wash his clothes and he still rather wear the ones from day before. With his job he comes home covered in mud, grease, corn dust, etc. I try to remind him (as do his parents) that he is a business owner and needs to present himself as such.