Since I have removed emotion and expectations from my marriage, I have been able to accept the things I see and acknowledge myself and face reality better.
Observation Today. I started a project of removing some old mulch in a flower bed. While I was gone to the store, H got out his homemade "dirt sifter" and started to scoop the old mulch into it.
When I asked him what he was doing, he got VERY upset with the question and looked at me disdainfully.....like hatred. I asked why he was going to sift the 30year old wood chips, He said he was going to burn the wood in a bon fire and wanted to put the dirt back into the flower bed. Hours of work....for what???? I said, I am going to buy enough wood chips so that you don't have to do that in the hot sun. (We live on land with mountains of compost at our disposal.)
I told him he looked like he was upset and I asked him what made him so upset about my question. He ignored me and glared and said, "EGGS!"
Then I remembered him being angry this morning, slamming things and not making breakfast like he usually does. And in the morning I realized I used the last of the 2 eggs for my granddaughters' crepes the day before. Ooops.
OK, he has reason to be let down a little because there was not an egg in the fridge. BUT to glare and slam and not talk to your spouse all day because of that oversight? No. In the old days I might have said sorry, sorry and ran to the store to buy eggs for him. No more...I just watch and listen.
So back to the flower bed and the mulch. He was angry at me, yet he saw "work in progress" and robotically got out his "dirt sifter". I can only guess what was going on in his mind. He saw wood chips and thought, "Goody, I get to start a fire!" and I ruined his fun or his plan. I don't know. Anyway, there are so many things that need attention in and out of our house and there he is "sifting" dirt from the wood chips and building a fire to burn the wood chips - taking hours doing something that ???? doesn't need to be done?. That is definitely attention focused wierdly...ADD.