After one of these grueling arguments/discussion, I really wish I had it recorded, so I could have someone else look at with non-bias towards my ADHD spouse nor I, and tell me if I am missing something.
I feel crazy after these discussions. For him it is all about who is right and who is wrong. We cannot discuss issues that bother/concern me as he sees every single one as an attack on him. He constantly brings up things he did - like finish a walkway - and say how disappointed he is that it didn't bring us closer. I reiterate that I am very happy he finished it, I thank him (once again) for his hard work, and tell him I appreciate he did it. But how many times I can I re-thank someone for the same thing? It has been several years already. This one thing is not the event that will repair our marriage troubles. Yes, I asked him to do it. Yes, he finally completed it. Yes I told him how beautiful it was. Yes I understood it was an Olive-Branch. So when do we move on? When is there enough thanks from me, or praise from me, or Atta-Boys from me?
I think maybe I see some sort of paranoia developing. He thinks we are all out to get him. We want to make him feel bad. The ONLY reason I decided - after 5 years of him stalling and putting up roadblocks - that we should keep our RV was because I wanted to let someone borrow it. I can't take these attacks against my character. He is ADAMANT that we have to sell the RV. He refuses to see anyone else enjoy it. He didn't accomplish MAKING me like camping, so no one else should enjoy it. Sheesh. I do enjoy weekends away. I do enjoy the road trips. It is only the week long camping trips I do not enjoy. I encourage him to go. I encourage him to take our two adult children if they want to go. Nope. His enjoyment is ruined because I do not choose to go. This blows my mind. I enjoy scrapbooking - I go on weekend events a couple time a year. He doesn't scrapbook. He doesn't go along.
Craziness. 5 years of power-struggles over the RV, I find peace in keeping it - now I am at the opposite end of the struggle. Arrrrgggh...
This weekend was a tough one.
Submitted by copingSAH on
This weekend was a tough one. I feel pretty much the same as you when the arguments start. It seems like I'll say something, just out of frustration, but not an attack.
My frustration is that whenever we're out with our child (who is autistic and needs a lot of supervision), dh will run off to take care of his DVD purchases, leaving me with a child who is unpredictable. He simply won't buy the DVDs on his own time, after work/during lunch, when I'm home whatever. He has soooo much time because he has the car 24/7. I'm stuck at home 24/7 and I can't even get a break when we go out!!
So he attacks back but it escalates into the proverbial *sticking his fingers in his ears going BLAH-BLAH-BLAH* at me the entire time I'm trying to reason or explain myself. Right off the bat, he responds defensively and attacks me. He was still angry with me although I have been feeling defeated and heartbroken since the blow out yesterday.
I wish I did have a recording, so I can see where I may be going wrong.... all I can see is this spoiled brat going "BLAH-BLAH-BLAH" at me!!
Oh yes, I also deal with the "1000 THANKS" scenario.... he keeps reminding us what he's done for us, but he says he doesn't want thanks according to him. I cook, clean, run the household, ask him about his day, listen to him endlessly and tell him how much I appreciate him and yet it never seems enough. It's almost like he wants something else, and that something I cannot give him, my entire identity to become some kind of Stepford Wife to him.