I don't know what it was that actually made me go right over the edge but I'm there.
We've started counseling and the counselor suggested we work on one issue at a time. So, we thought tackling the household chore imbalance issue would be a great easy place to start.
We were told to get a white board and hang it somewhere visible (kitchen), sit down with each other once a week and put on the white board all the chores that would need to be done within that week or so.
Then, because my ADD partner hates to be told when to do something, he would select his set of chores and put a deadline date beside each one. He could choose to take as long as he likes to do that chore--as long as it was reasonable, of course.
So, with all the hope in the world, we sit down, write out our chores and due dates and off we went!
Of course this story doesn't end with the initial joyous feeling I had when the idea was put in motion...
At first I felt great like a weight had been lifted!!!! I no longer would have to ask my partner to help out, I would not have to worry that I'd be the only one noticing and cleaning messes, and I had the surety that it would be done at the latest by the date on the board. I could rest easy, right...?
It went well for about 3 days, 3 tasks and that was it! Then, my partner began to feel his usual "overwhelm" and started changing the deadline dates on his chores!?!?!?! I didn't get upset quite yet... (I knew deep down it wouldn't fly anyhow).
Then the deadlines came and went--and chores were not done---and not only that, but we also never talked about sitting down to renew the chore schedule, as we were told to do. I'm too scared (walking on egg shells) to ask him on the weekend to sit down and redo the list because he's SUPER BUSY to pay any attention to something like that!!! :/
I've had it. I've sort of peacefully snapped. I've been sleeping on the couch for the last week or so and I just feel like giving up completely. This was the easiest of the issues we have and he can't even follow through on it! Imagine when we deal with the REAL hurtful issues of loneliness, communication, anger... etc.
I just don't think I'm cut out for this. My heart just feels broken into a million pieces and it's not about the chores... It's about losing hope that all the 'external, visual solutions' to his internal problems will never be relied upon by him. ever.
He's already moping around the house because he feels I'm just giving up. He's adjusted the chore schedule and put new things up there all by himself and is failing at meeting the deadlines of those too! That's not even how it suppose to be done, but he can't even do it his own way, anyhow!
I know I sound incredibly insensitive but I just have no patience to tolerate this crap! I know he's not doing it on purpose, and though handicapped people can hold down jobs at McDonalds sweeping, taking orders, making and packing meals, he can't even follow instructions on a white board! What the hell?!?!?!?!
What the f**k have I gotten myself into here? I just feel so hopeless... SO HOPELESS! :((
I love him but this is actually one disorder I DO NOT UNDERSTAND. I cannot seem to get it no matter how often I read, post, go for counseling. Knowing that these things are not intentional DOES NOT make it easier. Actions speak louder than words and he's all about inaction. I am so sad...
I just don't honestly believe in my heart that a non-ADDer can be happy with an ADDer unless they are seriously medicated on some major powerful happy pills. My family wont let me just drug myself out for this relationship... They think I should just leave him---ADD or no ADD. :(( They are just sad to see the happy go lucky me disappear for his mental issues. They don't think it's right... They obviously don't get it, either!
I am so sad and numb right now. I know I need to talk to him about all of this but I fear it will just turn into a fight because he doesn't AT ALL understand where I'm coming from. He thinks because I read about ADD I should just understand him by now... heh. Well maybe something is wrong with me because I DON'T.
It's not just about the white board... It's the last 3 years I've spent living my life with this foreign being!
I think I may just have to give up on him completely... and this breaks my heart and makes me feel so incredibly sad inside. I just want to retreat into a cave and never come out! :((