My wife has previously accepted that Orlov's book described a lot of what is happening in our marriage and even told our kids that she, like them, has ADHD.
Then she went to a psychiatric nurse and "only answered the questions she asked" and was told she is depressed, not ADHD.
I kept imploring her to tell the nurse about all the symptoms I have noticed. She started seeing a new nurse and kept forgetting to discuss the symptoms--just answering the questions she was asked.
Finally, she said she discussed ONE of the symptoms--ignoring me when an interesting stranger appears to the extent that she does not recall I was there. She reports that the nurse said that it was not ADHD because it only happens "some of the time." It would happen "all of the time" if it were ADHD.
I asked my wife why she told the nurse it was "some of the time." She denied that she said that--the nurse did. Well, where did the nurse get that idea? No response.
But there are many more symptoms, and they happen quite often. We just finished a long trip that she has been pressing me to take for almost 10 years, despite our financial problems. We were able to do so because her mother left her some money. During the trip, she repeatedly interrupted me and then claimed that either 1) we both started talking at the same time or 2) she stopped as soon as she realized I was speaking. Neither of these claims were true. She also became hyperfocused on moving through the crowds at a theme park, and completely forgetting about me and our ADHD 9-year-old. I could not keep up because I had to make sure our daughter did not get lost. I kept yelling for her to wait, and she kept resuming the hyperfocus and speeding off ahead of us. One time, she actually did lose our daughter while they were separate from me. I had to find her.
Yet, still, she says it is not ADHD and wants to know why it is so important to me that she get an ADHD diagnosis. I finally told her that maybe I it is so important to me because I want to MAKE EXCUSES for her behavior.
All these years, I have stressed that I would hope that we could at least stop discussing trip planning during the big trip. The big trip came, and she kept talking about planning for next time. I reminded her that I wanted a break from this. She kept up. The fact is that there are no other inheritances coming our way. I am feeling insecure at my job and I would like to find something more meaningful--but it would pay less and we need my current salary just to keep our heads above water, never mind spending thousands on another trip. Yet she soothes herself by telling me we can work something out for me to be able to take a pay cut. That just makes me feel invalidated.
God, I hate being the responsible one!